The Neverending Madness: 2019

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<title>lifebeautylove's Xanga Blog</title>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Wed, 19 Dec 2012 01:03:57 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I haven't felt like this in a looooong time. I love you and I'm so glad I married you. I'm so glad that you are mine and I am yours.]]>
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<wp:post_date>2012-12-19 01:03:16</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2012-12-19 06:03:16</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<title>Withdrawl</title>

<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sun, 04 Nov 2012 14:58:57 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[The last few months have been rough for me. I'm not liking this transition. I miss my home in South Carolina and my friends. I don't like big cities and I've learned that since moving here. I miss being able to drive down a few streets to get to where I want to be instead of having to google maps EVERYTHING. I miss having a stable paycheck so that we can afford to do some fun stuff instead of me sitting in this God-forsaken house all day long with two children, one of which is going through the horrible age of 3, me being pregnant and high risk and worrying about whether or not what I'm doing is limiting his growth. I miss taking my camera and shooting photos of my children in a pretty location that takes me 15 minutes or less to get to instead of having to drive 30-45 minutes across town to get to a photo-worthy location.  I miss having some extra space to set up my studio to do photos in my home if that's what I want. I miss extra space. I miss just having MY house, MY stuff and not having to crawl or scoot around other people's stuff. I feel bad right now because all I want to do is get in the car and drive for a few hours, listen to good music, have time ALONE, and not feel guilty about it. I also just miss spending quality time with Jonathan. All the time we spend together is spent doing nothing other than discussing our budget. This is why I really want to do something for SIXTH anniversary, but I doubt it'll happen. It would be good for us, but that doesn't matter. I feel suffocated in this tiny house. I can't move furniture but there's a lot of furniture that needs to be moved. I miss FRIENDS that will come hang out just to watch some TV with you. I just miss my life and now I feel like I don't even have one. I'm falling apart and I hate it. I'm afraid of what it will be like after I have the baby. Post-partum depression seems like it will be there. I don't even have my own family to turn to. They're all too into my sister's disappointing existence. Anytime we have anyone come here, they're just bored and leave. :( I just do not know what to do. I didn't want this and I'm afraid I'm starting to resent him for this. No, I would rather him not go to Afghanistan, but I keep having to start my life over again and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the depression that comes with every move. I need a break and I don't see it happening because I feel like even family is thinking that this was our choice to leave the military. Thing is . . . it's wasn't OUR choice. It was his. He wanted to leave the military to go back to school, even with another baby on the way. He wanted to work all day, leaving me home with our kids, and go to school all night, leaving me with our kids still. Why? So he can do something he should have made the decision to do before he start a life with me. Or at least before he decided it was a good time to have kids, but no. He waited until Jude was over a year old to spring this on me that he was PLANNING on doing it but would make sure we were financially stable first. That he wouldn't do it unless I agreed. So much for that. Now I get to sit here and pay for it. I don't know how much longer I can do this without snapping.]]>
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<wp:post_date>2012-11-04 14:58:17</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2012-11-04 19:58:17</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<title>damn the drama queens, damn them!!!</title>

<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Tue, 14 Aug 2012 14:43:14 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Someone should define the word drama for the world. So here goes the story behind that. I'm not a very social person. I have friends but I don't party big or anything like that. As some might know, I'm pregnant with our third child. Well, someone asked me if I was having a baby shower and my response was that I'm not having, I don't know too many people here, etc. Well, she sorta convinced me to have one and that she'd host it. That's fine until I learned the etiquette of having a baby shower. I just think it's tack to throw yourself a shower and I didn't think I was throwing myself a shower. However, no one planning it, nothing was getting done so I thought okay, that's fine. No biggie. Well, people started asking me about details for the baby shower and I told them I had no idea because I'm not planning my own shower and I haven't heard anything from my hostess at all. No phone calls, nothing. So, one of my friends offered to step up and help out so she went on the event page I have set up on Facebook and typed a few details. Guess who came along to chime in? My "hostess". I told her I thought she was just busy or forgot. Well, she quickly learned she wasn't in charge anymore and proceeded to get all pissy about it and uninvited herself to the party after telling everyone that she had planned her life around the day and time the event was set for (we haven't changed either) and that she'd have to return everything she bought for the party. HOLD UP! She bought stuff for MY baby shower without telling me or discussing with me? No "Hey what do you think of this?" Just buy and throw it? That was the first I had heard of ANY plans for the shower. Now she's all over her facebook talking about how a wise woman avoids drama, blah blah. OH and how she shouldn't befriend friendless people?! LMFAO! Just because I don't hire babysitters every week (read: call ME to beg to watch your 14 yr old and 10 mos old) so I can go out and get shitfaced does not mean I am friendless. If I were friendless, my baby shower wouldn't be happening at all. It takes a very special person to be my friend. I don't care how bitchy that sounds, but it's true. To hear all that crap from someone who initially USED me to take photos for her whenever she felt like it (literally) makes me laugh. I wonder who is really friendless here.]]>
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<wp:post_date>2012-08-14 14:42:34</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2012-08-14 18:42:34</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<title>The run-around is old now . . .</title>

<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Mon, 30 Jul 2012 10:38:23 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I can't think of a time in our military experience where we weren't given a run around. Presidio of Monterey, CA. took FOREVER to get our orders. Then when we did get them, it had the wrong info on it so we had to wait AGAIN for orders. After Jon finished Tech School at Sheppard in was time to go to Japan. Took forever for them to get me there. Passport was sent to wrong addresses and Misawa AB was getting impatient due to the fact that Jon was still in TLF using their money. Japan was fun. Lots of schedule changes, deployment possibilities, 12 hr shifts spent doing nothing, and then there's Ezra's birth. Jon came to Okinawa after Ezra was born and they were going to make him go back to Misawa when Ezra was still sick and possibly needed to be transported to Hawaii for surgery. Misawa was FINE with him being there. It's Okinawa and their damn Naval Hospital that threatened him to no end that he'd be in so much trouble when he went back to Misawa (which by the way NEVER happened). Military sent me to Oki without ANY money for food, transportation, etc. 7 mos pregnant and walking about in the 100 degree heat/humidity is not cool. I was stranded at the B/X one day. Yeah . . . it started raining. Let's go back to Misawa now and talk about Ezra's medical problems and how the military handled that! HA! Ezra, for days, had fevers and his pee was smelling funky. Took him to the doc saying I think he has a UTI. Doc says naw, boys don't get UTIs. REALLY?! =\ Sent me home saying he had a viral and to keep up the meds. That night he had more fevers that spiked to 102. He was only a few months old mind you. I had to strip him down and apply cold washcloths over and over until he cooled down. Next day, he started having febrile seizures. Took him to the ER where they tried for 2 hours to take blood from his tiny arms. Then had to do an Xray in one of these: <a href="http://www.opraxmedical.com/Accessories/PatAsst/Restraints/PIGG-O-STAT_2.jpg" rel="nofollow">http://www.opraxmedical.com/Accessories/PatAsst/Restraints/PIGG-O-STAT_2.jpg</a> He screamed and screamed and I couldn't do a damn thing to make him feel better. Found nothing on the xray of course. Sent us home on more meds for fevers and disregarded my UTI claim. Next day made another appt with docs and took him back and DEMANDED that he be tested for UTI, doc said oh but it's too invasive. I let him have it. I told him about what my baby had been through the night before. Poking and prodding at him for hours like he was back in NICU again. He told he had to SCHEDULE the test for it. Aaaand I told him that was bullshit and that I wanted it done now. He'd had fevers for a week and a half and started having more febrile seizures. So on top of ALL The crap they did to him in the ER, which could have been avoided if they just did the damn UTI test in the first place, they had to shove a catheter into him TWICE to make sure that the UTI hadn't hurt his kidneys. Once to put in a dye and the second time for the ultrasound they had to do to make sure his kidneys were fine. Once again, I couldn't do a damn thing but watch my baby scream. In the end? Dumb doc just said, "well I guess you were right." Dumb bitch. Now let's go to us PCSing from Misawa and the clusterfuck of a mess that was!!  Had orders for Whiteman AFB. They decided oh, that's not gonna work. Cancel. We were supposed to leave at the end of Jan. We didn't leave until March, 7 days before that huge monster of an earthquake destroyed the Aomori Prefecture. =\ And where did STICK us? Yeah, they STUCK us in Shaw AFB. The shithole of the Air Force. If you think the Air Force works as a team and takes care of each other, you have the WRONG base. This place is full of people trying to make up for their lack of a penis. Everyone hheytes each other here. If they don't hate you now, they will in a few months. No one knows who did what and no one takes the blame. Hubby gets calls 24/7 about whether or not he did this or didn't do that and why wasn't this done? Umm wrong guy, dude. They can't keep a schedule worth shit either. And now? We're separating from the military and trying to figure out when we're supposed to leave. Military first says no permissive TDY so leave date is 6 Sept. Paperwork comes back back signed and leave date says 16 Aug. Mind. Blown. Really? So we plan for that. We schedule TMO, our lease is up on the 17th of August so we think that works perfect. this morning, he calls and says that they messed up and we're back to 6 Sept. Have to cancel appts. Try to convince our landlord to extend our lease for 20 days and hope they don't fuck it up again. I'm gonna go ahead and ask . . . why do people think I will miss the military? Why? All the good times I've had were not military related. At all. We get crap pay which they mess up on occasion and have to raid our bank account to take back what's theirs. We can and will do better than this. I will not miss it. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2012-07-30 10:37:43</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2012-07-30 14:37:43</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Thu, 07 Jun 2012 14:59:04 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[My freakin' husband needs to come home already! 17 days. =)]]>
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<wp:post_date>2012-06-07 14:58:24</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2012-06-07 18:58:24</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<title>Repetitive</title>

<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Wed, 14 Mar 2012 21:33:40 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I wouldn't call what I have recurring dreams. They are simply dreams about the same person. I don't think they're wrong; they just bother me a little bit. I feel haunted, I guess you can say. I shouldn't be dreaming about that anymore. I don't even want it so why dream it? Anyone answer this for me? In other news, if you haven't done so, check out Florence + The Machine. If you could only see the beast you've made of me I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to howl My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to Howl, howl Howl, howl Now there's no holding back, I'm making to attack My blood is singing with your voice, I want to pour it out The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallow'd ground like some child possessed, the beast howls in my veins I want to find you tear out all your tenderness And howl, howl Howl, howl Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters Hunters, hunters, hunters Hunters, hunters, hunters The fabric of your flesh, pure as a wedding dress Until I wrap myself inside your arms I cannot rest The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hallow'd ground And howl Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters A man who's pure of heart and says his prayers by night May still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright If you could only see the beast you've made of me I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallow'd ground]]>
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<wp:post_date>2012-03-14 21:33:00</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2012-03-15 01:33:00</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Wed, 07 Mar 2012 01:23:32 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I can't wait for him to get out of the military. I can't wait for the days to come where it's weeks before I get to spend good time with him instead an hour here and there every few days. =\ However, it's late now. Early morning on the way.]]>
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<wp:post_date>2012-03-07 01:22:53</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2012-03-07 06:22:53</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Mon, 27 Feb 2012 16:39:32 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Why do I always feel this need to rescue someone? Especially the heartbroken someones? *ugh*]]>
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<wp:post_date>2012-02-27 16:38:52</wp:post_date>

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<title>here and gone.</title>

<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sun, 29 Jan 2012 23:00:28 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Weird month for me. Everything that was happening just kind of stopped happening. Someone who I had been talking to just quit? I don't know. It's strange how quick people come and go from our lives. I don't care that much, I guess. Then again, if I didn't care that much, I would not be blogging about it, right? I've been trying to edit photos to keep my mind off of it and well, because I SHOULD be editing these photos as they due before V-day and I have 3 separate sessions I have been working on. I just suddenly feel more lonely than I was two weeks ago. Jon's got work stuff going on this week, so I don't see him. Hell, I never see him. It sucks. 9 months of this crap to go. Ready for a new beginning. A new photo opportunity.]]>
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<wp:post_date>2012-01-29 22:59:49</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2012-01-30 03:59:49</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Fri, 30 Dec 2011 01:50:00 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I had coffee tonight. That was a bad idea. I feel I can't sleep until I blog things out. I'm waiting for things to happen. I'm always waiting for things to happen. The last five years of my life has been all about waiting, trying to figure out where I fit into this picture. I kind of have an idea now. I love taking photos. It's what I do. It's my job, but moving to a new place is going to be a challenge. Especially since it's a bigger place. More competition. I just feel lonely. I wish I had a plan. HE has money to go to school, so he knows he's going to go to school. He knows he's going to get a job and have a car. Those are all a given. I'm just on this back burner and I hate it! Like I'm supposed to fend for myself and our children. I'm scared to see what is going to happen. We're not even there yet and I'm already feeling overburdened with responsibilities. I feel like he's trying to take steps back. It's too late to take on a full course load at school and not online for that matter. I just don't want to be a single mom for the rest of my life. The Air Force has put be through too much already. Not ready for this.]]>
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<wp:post_date>2011-12-30 01:49:20</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2011-12-30 06:49:20</wp:post_date_gmt>

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-<![CDATA[The waiting part, I feel like I could have written it myself.  I just started blogging again to help me deal with all the crazy stuff that's going through my head, reading some of your entries, it was like it could have been me....I hope you'll accept my friend request I have a feeling you'll be able to relate to my situation to a degree, it's always nice knowing you're not alone in how you're feeling.]]>
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<wp:comment_date>2012-03-04 22:44:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2012-03-05 03:44:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>Lifewhatifs</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Thu, 29 Dec 2011 10:15:37 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I need to learn self control. In just about every aspect of my life. The conversation/discussion I had with Jonathan last night . . . why did that even take place?! I hate staying up so late for that reason. My brain stops thinking correctly. Stupid tired brain.]]>
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<wp:post_date>2011-12-29 10:14:57</wp:post_date>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Wed, 21 Dec 2011 22:34:39 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[2012 might not be the end of the world, but it's the end of one thing. Military life. And I can't wait. But at the same time, I'm pretty terrified. So much thinking this week. Too much thinking. Can't handle it. Some of these thoughts are thoughts I shouldn't even be thinking.]]>
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<wp:post_date>2011-12-21 22:33:59</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2011-12-22 03:33:59</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Fri, 28 Oct 2011 22:53:27 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Blah blah blah blah, that's all I'm hearing. I stayed up too late again, had coffee too late again. I made Cinnamon Struessel for breakfast tomorrow. Hubby will be surprised. I really should go to bed now. Just needed to share the blah blah blah part and to also enlighten some with the fact that people will tell you anything to make you feel sorry for them, even if it isn't true. =) Most people should know that, but I guess they get blinded in some cases. Ah, the ignorance.]]>
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<wp:post_date>2011-10-28 22:52:47</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2011-10-29 02:52:47</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sat, 24 Dec 2011 13:38:45 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I can't sleep tonight. I guess I shouldn't have drank those three cups of coffee. He's still at work right now. Probably will be for another three hours. I miss him and have missed him more than usual for the last few days. It's making me resort to a few other things . . . No, not that you sicko. I guess it makes me talk to people more. Usually, I'm fine on my own, but when he isn't around I need the company. Some might think it's weird but I actually talk to a certain ex more than I talk to my own friends. Not MY ex. His. The one that used to bother me so much. I wonder if another felt that way about me before speaking with me and after finally talking to me felt better? Hmm. . . if so I completely understand and Jon would come out and say "women . . ." at this point. We're all crazy and obsessed with our boyfriend's or husband's "serious" exgirlfriend aren't we? She and I get along too creepily well . . . hehe. If he thinks that's crazy, wait until we're physically united! She-nan-i-gans. That is all.]]>
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<wp:post_date>2011-10-08 00:20:54</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2011-10-08 04:20:54</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Fri, 10 Jun 2011 01:31:11 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I want so badly to accept you for who you are because it's what I should do. I don't know how to handle much anymore and you telling me that you think you might be autistic throws me off. I've started seeing a therapist for Christ's sake. I'm taking bloody pills because ever since this God forsaken military tried to take you away from last Christmas, every small little thing throws me off course and I slowly lose my mind and descend into my own world of horrors. I hate it. I hate change. I hate seeing what I don't have and experiencing what I once had but do not have anymore. I wish I still had some things. I feel bad for saying that, but it's true. I have what most people would call a good life, but it's only good for its lack of the bad. Nothing more and nothing less. I do the same thing each day like clockwork. I have too much time on my hands and therefore I think too much, I read too much and it seems that all of that is working against me because I come up with these scenarios in my head and for some reason, none of them are good. I start to believe that they're real or will become real. It becomes an obsession and that obsession turns into a nightmare. Can you accept me for who I because you should??]]>
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<wp:post_date>2011-06-10 01:30:32</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2011-06-10 05:30:32</wp:post_date_gmt>

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-<![CDATA[Sounds rough :(.  Hope y'all are able to pull through with your sanity intact. How much longer is your husband supposed to be in the military?]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2011-06-16 02:59:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2011-06-16 06:59:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>ArielM87</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

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-<![CDATA[<a href="http://lifebeautylove.xanga.com/749743712/item/?id=1521472706" class="replyto x--1521472706--x">@ArielM87</a> - thanks. i just saw this. things have definitely gotten better since then. i have my moments though.]]>
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<wp:comment_date>2011-10-08 00:14:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2011-10-08 04:14:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>lifebeautylove</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://lifebeautylove.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Thu, 03 Feb 2011 03:53:26 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[As of recently, I've become increasingly annoyed by people who say "If God exists, then why does he make me suffer? God wouldn't cause so much pain."
"Without suffering, there'd be no compassion." -Nicholas Sparks.
Life isn't perfect and God does not intend for it be perfect. God created our emotions. Happiness, sadness, excitement, pain, fear, etc. Things happen for a reason. God doesn't necessarily cause us pain to teach us a lesson, but to perhaps learn to appreciate. To take notice of small things. Perhaps God causes pain so that we may turn to Him for comfort. It's a way to bring us to Him.]]>
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<wp:post_date>2011-02-03 03:52:46</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2011-02-03 08:52:46</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Fri, 14 Jan 2011 01:51:41 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Still here. In Misawa. It would be great if some people got their act together. I'm tired of sitting around. Waiting. Waiting. Aaand waiting. It's worse when I'm just sitting here and have nothing to do but think about it.]]>
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<wp:post_date>2011-01-14 01:51:01</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2011-01-14 06:51:01</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<pubDate>Wed, 12 Jan 2011 04:32:54 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Misawa, I am not your prisoner. Please let us go. Kthxbai.]]>
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<wp:post_date>2011-01-12 04:32:13</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2011-01-12 09:32:13</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Mon, 03 Jan 2011 08:46:28 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Forgive my last entry as it was me being scatterbrained and in a hurry. I wanted to post something but at the same time, I wasn't sure how to word anything. 
I'm thinking about seeing a therapist. Maybe he or she can help my brain shut up. It doesn't even think about good stuff. It just wants to think about the negative and it takes me HOURS to sort it out and start thinking realistically and logically again. I had a good day on Saturday; I actually woke up with a freshness about me, but then Sunday and today, I was back to being my old self, but I'm sure that waking up once an hour with nightmares in between wakings does not help a bit. 
Ezra has had sleep problems again the last few days. It's 10:45 PM and he's still awake. I hadn't anticipated on staying awake so late, but here I am yet again. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2011-01-03 08:45:48</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2011-01-03 13:45:48</wp:post_date_gmt>

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-<![CDATA[just find something funny to watch/read, it helps ( ´∀｀)]]>
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<wp:comment_date>2011-01-03 08:50:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2011-01-03 13:50:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>taotao223</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Fri, 31 Dec 2010 09:43:18 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I'm trying to decide if 2010 was a short year or not. I'm also trying to remember the good parts of it. Trying. So. Hard. Let's start from the beginning. I got pregnant with our second baby at the end of 2009. We spent the New Year in Del Rio, TX. It wasn't much of a celebration. I started the New Year sick. We returned to Japan shortly after that to finish up our last year here as part of my husband's military tour. Jude turned one which was a very bittersweet occasion for me. I love watching him grow up, but he's my first baby, and seeing him not be a baby anymore is a bit heart wrenching. There is a song by Plum called "Safe In My Arms" that I have attached to him. 
Your baby blues So full of wonder Your Curly Que's Your contagious smile And as I watch You start to grow up All I can do is hold you tight Knowing Clouds will rage in Storms will race in But you will be safe in my arms Rains will pour down Waves will crash all around But you will be safe in my arms Story books Are full of fairy-tales Of kings and queens And the bluest skies My heart is torn just in knowing You'll someday see The truth for lies When the Clouds will rage in Storms will race in But you will be safe in my arms Rains will pour down Waves will crash all around But you will be safe in my arms Castles they might crumble Dreams may not come true Cause you are never all alone Cause I will always Always love you Hey I Hey I Will love Clouds will rage in Storms will race in But you will be safe in my arms Rains will pour down Waves will crash all around But you will be safe in my arms In my arms 
Now he's a 20 month old. He runs. Plays. Refuses to give me kisses. Sings. Dances. Throws tantrums. He's going to turn two. And then three. 
Around May, we discovered something was not going right with my pregnancy. The SAGA of my life began there. My baby boy wasn't growing well at all. We didn't even have a name for him. I was sent to Okinawa to be closely monitored. There, I was miserable. No transportation, no friends, just me in an old worn down cottage with NOTHING to do all day unless I had a doctor's appointment. I wish now I had been prepared for what was to come on June 25, 2010 when I was told we had to deliver my baby boy at 33 weeks. No camera, no phone call, no husband, nothing. I was induced and had my 3 lb 12 oz Ezra Aiden on June 26, 2010 at 12:32 AM. I don't even remember much of his birth, only that it was fast, he cried, and then was taken away from me. I remember being so happy that he cried. I couldn't wait to see him but it just didn't feel real to me. I have two children but it's nothing like it was the first time. My little boy was sick. He couldn't breathe on his own. I wanted my husband there. I needed him to tell me it would be okay. When I was finally able to see Ezra, he was so tiny.
<img src="http://x66.xanga.com/e01f65f4c2133274106664/z218530088.jpg" alt="" />
I couldn't even hold him yet. Days after that were scary. He had battles with his lungs. Weeks later, things started looking up for him and a little over a month later, we were able to take him home. Today, this is my gorgeous little man:
 
<img src="http://xf3.xanga.com/789f776046131274106725/z218530141.jpg" alt="" />
Soon after that, things settled down for a while. Then we found out we were going to Whiteman AFB, Missouri. 
Months later, we were told otherwise and as of today, we still do not know where we're going even though we are supposed to leave in January-February.
A week before Christmas, we got devastating news that my hubby may have to attend to his military duties for 6 months. In harms way. And that he would leave in a matter of days. I had a panic attack. Went to the ER, was prescribed Valium, sent on my way. I've never been closer to God since then. It's insane how something like that can change you. It could have been a life or death situation. Luckily, things settled down once again. Christmas came, we got sick, Christmas went. Now we wait patiently to see what 2011 brings. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2010-12-31 09:42:38</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2010-12-31 14:42:38</wp:post_date_gmt>

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-<![CDATA[Your little boy is BEAUTIFUL.  There's something wonderful about valuing such a precious little life.  I'm so happy things turned out okay!  I hope 2011 brings tons of love and happy memories for your family. :)]]>
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<wp:comment_date>2011-07-14 18:51:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2011-07-14 22:51:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>airforcewife28</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

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<pubDate>Fri, 31 Dec 2010 02:12:35 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I do not like you, wind. You are ruining New Year's Eve. :(]]>
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<wp:post_date>2010-12-31 02:11:55</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2010-12-31 07:11:55</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<pubDate>Wed, 29 Dec 2010 00:03:05 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I'm losing so bad today. I there are people out there who don't have kids and want them who would hear what I say and think or say, "You should be greatful, blah blah blah." Yes, I am greatful that I have children and I do love them dearly, but until you HAVE your own children and they get to that age where they will cry until they get what they want and begin disregarding you and just in general throwing you off schedule, you won't get that kids are stressful some days and today is one of those days. With Jude, it's a constant battle to get him to eat anything. Maybe I'm feeding him when he isn't hungry, who knows. Then there's the dog who likes to steal his food before Jude ever touches it, so today, Jake sits in his pin because I don't want him in my way. Ezra will not nap. They say children need schedules. I'm starting to think it's the parents who need schedules. Children couldn't give a damn about a schedule. They're unpredictable. Everything about them is. I have 3 loads of laundry sitting on the loveseat. They have sat there for going on 3 days now. You may ask why I'm sitting here typing instead of folding and my answer to that is that folding laundry would be impossible right now because my 20 month old think I am making a bed for him to play in when I fold laundry. I'm waiting for the day Jude eats. I just want him to eat and I think that is my BIGGEST battle. Ezra not napping is not a huge deal, but when my toddler won't eat, I worry and I have the right to worry.
We had a good couple inches of snow here this morning. For once, I was in a good mood. Okay, not for once, but for the first time since December . . . 17th? Something like that. We're still waiting on news of getting out of here. All of our friends are close to leaving. I mean like less than two weeks. I'm jealous. This house is starting to suffocate me. I felt like such a scrooge because I took all the Christmas decor down TWO days after Christmas. In any normal circumstance, I would have left them up until after the New Year, but honestly this Christmas was tainted for me. Nothing ever seems to go as planned for us and everything completely fell apart almost and all the Christmas decorations started to just depress me and reminded me of all that had happened in the last couple of weeks. It's behind us now, but since then I've had trouble. I need a fresh start. And a bigger house. I'm so tired of furniture in front of furniture or stacked up against another piece of furniture, it makes me feel claustrophobic. I just think I could've been more happy here. If my husband had a different job, if we had a bigger house, if my family weren't crazy, etc. Hopefully 2011 is better. Seriously though, who am I kidding?
 ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2010-12-29 00:02:25</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2010-12-29 05:02:25</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<pubDate>Wed, 22 Dec 2010 22:18:33 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Interesting night with Jude last night. He started throwing up everywhere. Of course, being in Japan there's really no where to go after 9 P.M. for meds. So, I got to stay awake all night washing crib sheets. I now know that owning 4 will no longer cut it. I  threw the first one out. The rest were alternated in the washer along with towels and pajamas. I gave the B/X manager an earful when I called to see if he could keep the store open or something so I could get some Children's Pepto. Of course, her reply was I don't have to do anything unless the commander says so. She said take him to the UCC (ER). Yes, because I really want to drag my 6 mos old and puking toddler out into the rain, wind, and snow and sit in the ER just for them to tell me he just has a stomach bug. "Oh, it's just viral." NO SHIT.
My entire week was ruined. And I blame it all on ONE f-ing country. They can suck it. They started shit so now the negativity is just FLOWING through my veins and I'm having shit luck ALL week.]]>
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<wp:post_date>2010-12-22 22:17:53</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2010-12-23 03:17:53</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Wed, 22 Dec 2010 03:14:21 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[ I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, but I am. I don't care. I can't wait to get out of here. Today is me and his 4th wedding anniversary. Once again, SOMETHING has come along to ruin it. First year? Our rings were stolen, my wedding was ruined. Second year? Well, he wasn't even here. Last year: Very mediocre because I was felt bad for leaving Jude with family to go out. This year? The Military, the weather, everything. I don't think we've ever had a night JUST about us. We even helped clean up after our own wedding. We've never even had a real honeymoon. FML.]]>
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<wp:post_date>2010-12-22 03:13:41</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2010-12-22 08:13:41</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Tue, 21 Dec 2010 00:02:40 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Last night before going to bed entirely too late, I turned to my husband and told him he was the greatest husband and daddy alive and that the last few nightmarish days have made me realize that. Our world was seemingly falling apart before our eyes. Life was about to change for the worst and I have felt like I was sitting there watching Pearl Harbor on repeat. Panic attack after panic attack followed. Two weeks ago we were excited about the CHRISTMAS holiday coming up and how it would be our first, and then not even a week ago, he told me devastating news. Luckily . . . all is well right now. I so desperately hope that it stays this way. Despite my panic, I have had faith in this situation and have prayed endlessly for it resolve somehow. Though it is not resolved, it is chilled a bit. I love my family and I never want to take them for granted. What I have is wonderful despite the fact that they all can drive me crazy. I would rather have them all in this house making a huge mess rather than someone making their lives a huge mess instead.
This CHRISTMAS, please remember GOD and His Son. If the last couple days did not prove His existence to me, then I don't know what did. He works wonders. He is the Great I Am. He is the ONLY reason for our existence. I have not stopped thinking about Him and talking to Him for days. :)]]>
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<wp:post_date>2010-12-21 00:02:00</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2010-12-21 05:02:00</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<pubDate>Sun, 19 Dec 2010 21:06:22 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[There's a not a whole lot I can say here to explain the reason I feel the way I do. The only thing that I can say is that we may be one less person this Christmas. It's funny because this is the first year where we said to ourselves that we'd have a Christmas in this house for the first and last time as a family before making our way back to what Americans call home. No worries, no stress. Until this last Friday when I got the worst news I could get from him. Again, I can't say what it is. All I can say is that I have never had fear strike my core so hard in my entire life. Not fear for me, but for him, for our children. This last week has been utter confusion and series of ups and downs. I am ready to get off of this roller coaster and resume life as it was. Getting ready to leave this country, get into our new house, reunite with family and friends, have a car that isn't slowly falling apart day after day.
I had a panic attack a few nights ago over all of this madness and wound up in the ER. I mean I know there is nothing they can really do to prevent this from happening, but I honestly felt like I needed to reach out to someone besides my own husband as I'm sure he was feeling just as fearful as I was. Now? I get to go see Mental Health.
Everything is still pending. Everything. It seems that throughout our entire marriage, every event has been pending. Being in this position is hard and I want to escape at times, but I know that I won't. When all of this is over, I will have a greater outlook on life.
I know many other people who have had recent hardships as well. A friend I recently met lost her baby due to recklessness on her doctor's part. This kind of thing should not happen. She shouldn't have to go though that.
I'm ready for whatever happens, honestly, but I hope that we're able to follow through with our previous plans. I have lost my train of thought.]]>
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<wp:post_date>2010-12-19 21:05:42</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2010-12-20 02:05:42</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Wed, 16 Jun 2010 05:06:54 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Too much. That is what's going on. The last few months have been a roller coaster for me. Watching Jude grow up has been both exciting and hard at the same time. His first birthday was the most bittersweet thing I have ever experienced, but that passed and now I just watch him transition from baby to little boy and it's so much fun . . . and tortuous. He's so smart too. Just like his dad. :) I hope he's as creative and open-minded as well. Jon and I are having our second child. Except for this time, the pregnancy comes with whole new complications besides Jon being deployed and me having gestational diabetes. This baby is smaller than average and honestly, it's most likely just that I make little babies. Jude wasn't a big baby. However, I encountered yet another challenge. Leaving my family to spend a few weeks (maybe more) in Okinawa, Japan away from my first-born and away from my husband. It's been a rough ride and I've only been here for a little over a week. On top of struggling to figure out transportation and finances, my mom has gone absolutely crazy again over issues that were "resolved" back in May and for day after my arrival here, I had to listen to it and suddenly I could not take it anymore. It's NOT that I'm worried about their situation. I'm too irritated with it to be worried. It's just that I have to listen to the ranting and rambling over something so stupid that I can't do anything about because anything that comes out of my mouth is stupid or something. While I've been here, I've taken some time to just think about Jon. I like doing that. For a long time now, my day to day thought process has been full of so many other things. I cannot remember the last time I just stopped to think about him and only him. When I'm alone and missing him, I also read his Xanga which can be a bad idea at times, but surprisingly enough . . . it hasn't been been this time. I think that for the first time in 4 1/2 years, I don't get upset about the things that I read. I actually sat here and smiled about it, looked down at my belly and told this little baby in here that his daddy is amazing. Because he is. Whether or not his opinions, ambitions, or thought process has changed, all of that has made him into the beautiful husband and father that he is today and I LOVE that. I only wish I could give some of what he used to have back to him. I don't know why I feel like I've taken something from him sometimes, but I do. I don't feel AS bad about it as I used to. Wow . . . it's been a while since I've done this. I guess having some time away from Jon does me good though. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2010-06-16 05:06:14</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2010-06-16 09:06:14</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>728744696</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Wed, 07 Oct 2009 08:33:03 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I told you you'd be fine, didn't I? You kept saying you wouldn't be and even asked who I was to even say you'd be fine. But you're more than fine. You're happy. You're in love. :) <input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><input id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-10-07 08:32:23</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-10-07 12:32:23</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>714007804</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Tue, 28 Jul 2009 20:38:04 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[:( ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-07-28 20:37:23</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-07-29 00:37:23</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>708373552</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[Aww sad face! No likey! Makes me sad too]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2009-07-28 20:59:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2009-07-29 00:59:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>AirForceWife522</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://airforcewife522.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

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<wp:comment_id>1494833642</wp:comment_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Tue, 07 Jul 2009 09:06:17 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. Jonathan David Upchurch is a poopyhead. End. Love to Jake and Jude. That's it. No one else. So there. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-07-07 09:05:36</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-07-07 13:05:36</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Tue, 12 May 2009 12:45:46 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I'm a paranoid, contemplative mess right now. I haven't thought like this in a long time and frankly, it's hurting my head. I had a much needed talk with Jonathan's mom tonight and it felt good because it's been a LONG time since we have talked like that. I'm just thinking TOO much now, however. She didn't say anything that bothered me or surprised me. We just talked about things I already knew. I'm very different from how I used to be. Jonathan's very different from how he used to be. It's strange to dig that deep into your past; it's almost like looking at and seeing a completely different person. I pulled out my journal. Again, it was like reading someone else's journal. I've had that journal since October 2005, so it has other things in there besides just Jonathan, so it's weird . . . there were others. haha. I feel like I'm having an out of body experience. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-05-12 12:45:06</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-05-12 16:45:06</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>701663184</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[I so know what you mean about it feeling like reading someone else's journal. I feel so disconnected from those memories. It's weird.]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2009-05-13 01:21:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2009-05-13 05:21:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>ArielM87</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://arielm87.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>32700180</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

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<wp:comment_id>1486459966</wp:comment_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Tue, 05 May 2009 12:13:58 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[So, it's time for an update. Since my last post, I've had Jude and he's already almost 3 weeks old! He's grown a ton since then too. It's been tough seeing as how I've been attempting breastfeeding and I LOVE my sleep, which I don't so much get anymore but am learning to cope with that. Right now, I'm waiting on him to finish doing whatever it is he is trying to do in his diaper. haha. I'm in love with this little thing that I just met. It's amazing. I love seeing the way Jonathan is with him. It's also strange to think that I have a baby with that man. :) But I love it. I just never would have thought in the beginning that we'd get here. We made something beautiful. :) I got used to being alone though and now there's always someone here. I don't mean the baby. I mean relatives. Jonathan would go to work and I'd have time to myself, but there's still someone always here which I do not REALLY mind because I love that she is here, but it's been stressing me out a little bit as well. This is off-topic a little bit but here's what's been irking me today. People who pretend to be Japanese. They think they're Japanese. They think it's the most awesome thing in the world. I don't get it. Take this from someone who LIVES in Japan. Japan. Is. Overrated. It's not much different than other places. I have nothing against the Japanese, FYI. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-05-05 12:13:17</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-05-05 16:13:17</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Wed, 25 Mar 2009 02:02:45 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Misawa has some crazy weather. All the snow pretty much melted, temperatures rose. What's doing it doing right now though? It's snowing. Again. We thought it was done. Hahaha. Jon came up to me this morning and said he realized something last night. I asked him what it was and he replied, "I'm in love with you." Of course, it sounds funny because it's like did he not know this before? Ha. What he meant was that after more than three years of being together and two years of marriage, he can stop and think, "I'm still so in love with this girl." It made me smile. I needed that, I think. I feel blessed. We have a beautiful house together, a fun, energetic dog that we both love very much, and a sweet angel on the way. I love the way he is with Jude and he's not even here yet! :) It's still going to be scary, but I think it'll be more like the fright before a huge roller coaster. It's going to be interesting and I can't wait. There's about three weeks left before Jon's mom gets here and I CANNOT wait to see her again! I think I'm in a little bit of denial about her actually being here with us in Japan. His dad's coming a few weeks later. It's going to be awesome. :) ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-03-25 02:02:05</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-03-25 06:02:05</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>696767683</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<title>Journey Through A Deployment</title>

<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Mon, 23 Feb 2009 22:17:47 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Deployments. Every military spouse's nemesis. My husband is in the Air Force and we are wrapping up our first deployment. The end is so near I can smell him, but for a few others that I know, it's all just beginning. It's their turn, so to speak, and I find myself drawn to reassure them that it will be okay. I'm by no means an EXPERT at deployment since this one was only 5 1/2 months long. Men and women out there endure deployments lasting 16 months. As I sit here struggling to find comforting words for a few friends who are still unsure of what they will do, I remember that day. We both woke up at 4 AM after having virtually no sleep just to watch one of our favorite movies together. That meant something. Everything was already all packed up the night before. My heart was breaking, but I didn't really show it too much. I needed to be strong for him. I couldn't focus on the movie. All I could do was watch him, smell him, touch him, and try to remember him. Even now, when the light's there at the end of the tunnel, it's a little bit gut wrenching to think about how I felt. Time was passing as we sat there. And then it was time to get into the car. That parking lot has turned into a significant place now. Every time I drive past it, I remember our last goodbye. Our last hug. Our last kiss. And how he stayed strong as the bus pulled out of the parking lot leaving me leaning up against our car, 10 weeks pregnant. I was about to go through a lot on my own. And so was he. The drive home felt like it would take forever and I felt like I would break down any moment, but when I got there, the phone rang. I picked it up, and my heart skipped a beat and I was slapped back into reality. He needed me. He had forgotten his checklist and I had to do my wifely duty and find it and take it to him. For ten minutes, it felt normal. I got to the terminal where they were bussed too and he ran to the car, took the checklist, said "I love you" and hurried back in. I didn't think he WANTED to be in a hurry. He just had to be. He wasn't mine right now. He was theirs. He'd be theirs for the next 6 months or so. I had never felt so empty at that point and like every spouse, I wondered what I'd do for remainder of his absence. At home, I sat in bed. And cried. I think I cried the whole day. Up until I was slapped with reality again. Morning sickness. A sure sign that life would indeed go on. My life wasn't going to be at a standstill. It wasn't going to end for 6 months and then suddenly pick up where it left off when he returned. I'm glad it didn't either. I'm glad that I continued to live because if there's one thing we all know, something can always go wrong. People's lives do end because this is war. The chances of it happening to him were slim, but I wasn't going to lead myself to believe that it would NEVER happen. Most of the time, I don't know what I've done with myself. When you're going through this, you HAVE to live from day to day. But I'm going to say this now, I've never felt as independent in my whole life. I did a lot of growing, I think and I've found someone who has become somewhat of a sister to me here. I do not know what I would have done without her. She's not the only one I had though. I had my family back in the states too. I went back for about a month. At first, it was hard. I slept in my husband's bedroom at his parents house. I was surrounded by him and I found it comforting. I was surrounded by our friends. I had Shameka, my sister whom I love dearly. :P I had his amazing mom there and I think she had a lot to do with me being able to get through this. I even made a trip to Del Rio and enjoyed it mostly. Things felt normal for a little while, but I was afraid to come back. Let's just say that life before that trip to Texas was shaky. I hated being here. I came back though and suddenly KNEW . . . I just knew that it was time to start over. I was tired of being miserable here. I was tired of Jonathan being miserable here. We're bringing a child into this world and this child deserves to be happy. I slowly but surely started to clean out the skeletons in the closet. I got rid of so many things. Why? Because all they did was clutter and the clutter makes for mental and spiritual clutter, I think. Then I began to decorate. Create. I needed a haven and I was going to have that! I needed a safe place and I was going to make it for myself. And I did. Deployment's an adventure. If you make it one. Now here I sit, less than a week away from his return, and I can't help but be a little bit scared again. Because I'm happy. And I KNOW why I'm happy. While I know that there's nothing wrong with being happy that he is coming home to me, I'm worried that it's the only reason I'm happy. I've learned NOT to say that I'm lucky from a friend here who's turned into that sister I mentioned earlier. I'm not lucky; I'm blessed. I have so much to be happy about. So, why am I worried that he's the ONLY reason I am happy? If I've learned anything at all from his absence, it's that I can be happy when he's miles away. I miss him. And I love him. But who wants to have the responsibility of being someone's only happiness? Who wants to be the ONLY reason someone is happy? Who wants to be the ONLY cure to someone's problems? That only creates problems because we're only human and what happens when the other person is down? Who's there to catch them if you are BOTH miserable? I think I'm a little bit off topic. But my point is that I'm happy because of who I am, what I've done, AND because I have the most amazing family in the world. On both his side and mine. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-02-23 22:16:21</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-02-24 03:16:21</wp:post_date_gmt>

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-<![CDATA[Going through a deployment really can teach a person a lot. I've always been an independent person but when he was gone...wow I turned to relying on no one. 5 1/2 months...I wish my husband's deployment was that length of time instead of 15 months. BUT! no matter what time someone's husband is gone, its always difficult thing to endure. :( If its anything that I've learned I think military wives who are truly happy in their marriages are just happy and their husband isn't the source, he just adds to it. So that's with you, your husband adds to your happiness. I know I was a little nervous when my husband was coming back because I had carried on in life without him so I didn't want him to think I didn't need him. And also I wondered if things will be the same with us. But that's really exciting that he will be back soon...YAY! enjoy it! :D]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2009-02-26 02:05:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2009-02-26 07:05:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>storralva</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://storralva.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>35259808</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

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<wp:comment_id>1476564868</wp:comment_id>

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<title>The Adventures (read: misadventures) Of A Pregnant Woman</title>

<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Fri, 20 Feb 2009 06:08:50 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[So . . . this kid is taking my brain. So very fast. I fall going UP the stairs. At least once a day. I put a bowl of strawberries on the microwave. I stole a bottle of water in Lubbock on accident. I did go back to pay for it. And tonight . . . I threw a bag of shredded cheese in the trash. A brand new bag that I bought specifically for dinner. Aren't I a genius?! "Yes ma'am, you are." ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-02-20 06:08:09</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-02-20 11:08:09</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>693289381</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Wed, 18 Feb 2009 09:42:24 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I sure as hell wish Misawa would stop fucking the 14th over by spreading rumors. I'm pissed. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-02-18 09:41:43</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-02-18 14:41:43</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Tue, 17 Feb 2009 22:35:36 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[It better be this weekend. =) ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-02-17 22:34:55</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-02-18 03:34:55</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sun, 08 Feb 2009 21:55:30 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[For a whole week and a half, I looked forward to Tuesday February 10, 2009. Why? Because that's when he was scheduled to be here again with me. But as we all know, they don't tell quite tell you exactly when they're supposed to be back for OPSEC reasons and what not. Soooo, they had to change it because it was spreading fast. But you know what? I hear that they're changing the date a ridiculous amount. I had this false hope for over a week. It's really unfair to all of us here and of course to them because for one, they don't do anything out there. There's nothing else for them to do. So, essentially time's being wasted and that's what pisses me off the most. Stupid mind games. I just want my husband to come home already. :( ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-02-08 21:54:48</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-02-09 02:54:48</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>692038578</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[Awww I hope he comes home soon. You are so cryptic babe!]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2009-02-11 20:14:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2009-02-12 01:14:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>AirForceWife522</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://airforcewife522.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

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<wp:comment_id>1474607799</wp:comment_id>

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<title>happiness is . . .</title>

<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Fri, 06 Feb 2009 02:16:46 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[You know something? There are two songs that NEVER fail to put a smile on my face. One: "Africa" by TOTO. Think what you want. The song is awesome. Two: "Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse. I don't know why. They just ALWAYS do it for me. Also, buying $18.00 worth of strawberries. That . . . that makes me smile. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-02-06 02:16:04</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-02-06 07:16:04</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>691740332</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Thu, 05 Feb 2009 21:01:59 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[OMG. Are you serious? This has to be the dumbest article EVER written. All I can say is that if the love of my life lives halfway across the world, you better be damn well sure that I'm going to fly out there to see him. Imagine this: "We have to break up to save the planet." That poor guy. What a load a bullcrap. Here ya go: http://green.msn.com/Home/Date-Local/?GT1=45002 ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-02-05 21:01:17</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-02-06 02:01:17</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>691722359</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[I didn't even finish reading it. That was absolutely stupid. Even if Ms. California moves in close proximity to Mr. Washington, as they suggest... that doesn't mean that those planes she once took are going to stop flying o.O. Whoever wrote this article does realize that we choose flights, they don't choose us... right?? I mean... airlines schedule flights because they know people are going to fly... not because "Oh, hey. This chick called and wants to see her boyfriend. Let's round up a plane!". Am I the stupid one? Did I totally miss something? Besides, I think the idea of choosing love (which it seems this douche is suggesting) is stupid. You don't choose it, you find it. It happens. If you should be so lucky to have it, you shouldn't be stupid enough to turn it down because it's not "environmentally friendly". What really is these days anyway...]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2009-02-06 08:29:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2009-02-06 13:29:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>ArielM87</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://arielm87.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>32700180</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

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<wp:comment_id>1473873667</wp:comment_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Thu, 05 Feb 2009 02:11:27 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I need to come out of this rut. Yesterday, I plummeted. I hate uncertainty and that's all I feel right now. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-02-05 02:10:45</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-02-05 07:10:45</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>691633828</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sat, 31 Jan 2009 22:15:19 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[For many years now, I've had a dream about a house. While it's not always the SAME dream, it always takes place in this house. It's been a few years since I have had one, and I just did a little bit ago. Now, I like to describe this as the house "Murder House" so to speak because people have lived here, they get killed here, their bodies are left in their bedrooms and their murderer resumes living here, writes a book on how he or she killed her victim and puts it in the stacks in the library, and later on gets him or herself killed as well. Weird, huh? Don't ask me how I know this. I've been dreaming about the place for many years. This is the first time I dream about MOVING INTO this house. Me, Jonathan, and we had a child that we adopted were showing the house to my friend Katreeca. Now, I for one wasn't thrilled about moving into this house because of all the dreams I had about it but Jonathan wanted to. He liked it, wanted to "fix it up". Our child was terrified of this house because the dead people (mind you, they've been LONG dead) everywhere. Anyway, we're showing her the house and Katreeca wants to go into the stacks and I tell her it's not a good idea because the stacks is the worst place of all. I don't remember why, but for some reason the library was always the scariest part of this place. It's kind of on the other side of the house and you get to it through the theatre/gameroom and there's a really long hallway that takes you to a huge staircase. She was going to go by herself and I don't know if she did because I think I had woken up at that point. Well, I decided to use a dream dictionary and it really makes sense, so read on if you'd like. To see a house in your dream, represents your own soul and self. Specific rooms in the house indicate a specific aspect of your psyche. In general, the attic represents your intellect, the basement represents the unconscious, etc. To see an old, run-down house in your dream, represents your old beliefs, attitudes and how you used to think or feel. A situation in your current life may be bringing about those same old attitudes and feelings. To dream of a haunted house, signifies unfinished emotional business, related to your childhood family, dead relatives, or repressed memories and feelings. To see something decay in your dream, signifies the degradation of a situation or circumstance. It may also represent the death of an old situation before the rebirth into a new stage. To see a hallway in your dream, symbolizes self exploration and the beginning of a  path that you are taking in life. You are going through a transitional phase in your life and journeying into the unknown. It signals spiritual enlightenment, emotional growth physical prowess, new opportunities and mental passages in your life. To dream that you are on a side stage, reflects your introverted personality. This dream may indicate your need to be more confident and self-assured. To see a staircase in your dream, symbolizes change and transformation. To see a library in your dream, symbolizes the knowledge you have accumulated over the years. To see children in your dream, signify an aspect of yourself and your childlike qualities. You may be retreating back to a childlike state where you are longing for the past and the chance to satisfy repressed desires and unfulfilled hopes. Perhaps there is something that you need to see grow and nurtured.  Take some time off and cater to the inner child within. Alternatively, the dream may be highlighting you innocence, purity, simplicity, and carefree attitude. To see your husband in your dream, signifies the waking relationship with your husband and the unconscious feelings you have towards him. The dream may be trying to focus on hidden elements that you are not addressing in your waking life. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-01-31 22:14:38</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-02-01 03:14:38</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>691177000</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sat, 31 Jan 2009 02:49:49 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[So, there have been problems at home regarding my sister. It's been going on for a while, but it got worse recently to the point where my family is on the verge of giving up on her. The police got involved and then Child Protective Services are now involved, all thanks to my sister's fag of a boyfriend. She thinks that because of him she's doing well in school. Is he the one that goes up there and begs her teachers to give her a second chance? No. That's my mom. And she treats my mom like shit. I'm not referring to her as HER mom because she has no RIGHT to even say "she's my mom." Why? Because she doesn't treat her like she's her mom. She treats her like shit. But she treats fucking Andrew like he's a god. And that pisses me the fuck off. I was not a golden child. I did things to upset my parents, but NEVER did I call the police on them, call CPS, or tell them I hated them. I never told my parents I hated them because I don't hate them. My sister lacks a relationship with any of us. She does not have a relationship with me, my brother, my mom, or my dad. My brother and I fought before, but you know what? I think he's the bees knees now. He's a cool guy and he makes me laugh. In fact, they all make me laugh. My dad teases me like as dad's sometimes to do to their daughters. I don't mind it. I don't take offense to it because it's not like he's doing it to upset me. The reason why I started to write this is because today I tried to talk to my sister. Let's put an emphasis on the word try. (edit: TRY ) When I sent her a message, I got a string of insults, one after the other. And then she started flooding my screen with a bunch of numbers. Just numbers. So I stopped typing. Next thing I know, she's accusing me of talking to a guy I went to high school with and telling him that she sleeps around with hundreds of guys. For the record, I haven't really spoken to Richard Hall in years, but she says that she has proof that him and I engaged in conversation a number of time in the last few months and most of those conversations consisted of her being promiscuous. Now, I don't know why I'd be so bored as to do such a thing. I have BETTER things to worry about, don't you think? My husband's deployed, I have a baby on the way, and on top of that, I'm working on going back to school to get my education degree going again. Well, speaking of reaching goals here, she had the nerve then to go on and say, "I really don't care about that. I would never have a baby before finishing school. Oh and all military guys are stuck up pricks." I can tell you now that if I were to tell all the military wives what her email address was, she'd get some pretty nasty messages concerning their stuck up prick of a husband. Has she taken a close look at HER boyfriend? Talk about pricks. Maybe some people would rather finish school before having a baby, that's fine. It's not like I don't plan on finishing school. She accused me of being miserable and not wanting to be where I'm at in life. Right now, I don't think I've ever been more content with where I'm at as a person. I married young, but do you know what? I've never been so in love in my life and I never will be more in love with anyone but my Jonathan. He's an amazingly smart, talented, beautiful man who treats me like I'm a fucking queen. Sometimes, we have our downs and I tend to take things for granted, but at the end of the day, all I have to do is think. JUST think about what he's done for me and everything I was upset with him about disappears. He doesn't have to go out on a limb and do something miraculous to make me forgive him. I just have to think about all the miraculous things he has done in the past for NO reason at all to make me fall in love with him all over again. So, don't go telling me I made a mistake by falling in love, getting married, and sharing a life with someone who's worth it. My sister on the other hand likes a "20 year old" who still lives with his parents, doesn't have a job, doesn't have a driver's license, and likes to carry stuffed animals around with him and boasts about the fact that he fits into my sister's clothes. Thinks it's a good idea to tell my parents that his cell phone is a stolen cell phone. He "bought" an engagement ring for my sister. I'm pretty sure he stole that ring. Hell, maybe it's MY ring that was stolen last year. Who knows, right? And she tells me that I made a mistake? I'm sorry, but my husband has worked for years. He worked TWO jobs at one point and when we were thinking about getting married and unsure of the military still, he went out and tried to find a better job to support us. Why? Because we weren't going to be satisfied just living with his parents. As much as I love his family, it would not be fair nor right to either one of us to be in that predicament. I think it scared my mother when I met Jonathan and it was evident that he was it for me. Naturally, she didn't like him, but you know what? My mother would do anything for Jonathan now and she sees it more so now that she's dealing with my sister's sad excused for a man. In fact, both of my parents feel that way. They both love Jonathan, they know he's a good man, and that he treats me well and takes care of me. They knew he'd do that since the first time they met him, but it was the fear of their first one leaving, getting married, and moving on that triggered some anger in the beginning. This guy, however, hasn't even asked my parent's for my sister's hand in marriage. What he does is tell them that they do not have the right to tell my sister that it's time to get off the phone and he gets mad when my sister doesn't answer the phone. He doesn't talk to them about his plans for life. He cuddles a stupid stuffed animal on the couch and plays video games. Really now, does that sound like a promising provider, audience? Does he sound like he's 20 or 10? I'll tell you what he does sound like and it's not MALE. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the fact that I'm carrying my husband's child. I couldn't ask for a better gift from him and from God. If you were to put a degree and my baby in front of me and ask me to choose, I'd pick my child over a degree any day. I firmly believe that there's no greater satisfaction that to be a mother, to know that you're raising a child to become something great. So, you know what? NO ONE, not anyone ESPECIALLY someone like her, has the right to tell me that I'm not making something of myself. That I'm not satisfied. That I'm not in love. That I'm not blessed. That I have regrets. The only regret I have in this life is that I may not get to do all that I want to do in the amount of time that I have. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-01-31 02:49:07</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-01-31 07:49:07</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>691106911</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[She sure seems to like stepping on your toes o.O. I hate when people take their family for granted like that. I don't want to go on a my-mom-is-dead spiel, but I -really- wish more people would think about things like that. Where on earth would she be in her life if, God forbid, something happened to one or both of your parents, you know? She'd probably realize how wrong she is, but it'd be far too late then. I really hope things work out for your family because I really don't wish that kind of regret on anybody. Hopefully, things will work out sooner rather than later. Maybe you should bonk her on the head until she comes to her senses =oP. In the meantime, keep proving her wrong by happily living your life ;).]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2009-02-02 10:38:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2009-02-02 15:38:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>ArielM87</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://arielm87.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>32700180</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sat, 24 Jan 2009 01:33:25 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[In 1993, Bill Clinton allowed abortion funding to come into effect. Anti-abortionists were pissed. In 2001, George Bush put a ban on abortion funding as one of the first acts in office. Pro-choice people got upset. President Obama once again has raised that ban and obviously the anti-abortionists are upset about it. Here's what I think. After reading a book recently called The Shack, we're all entitled to our own choices. Yes, God has set "guidelines" so to speak, but it's up to us to follow them. He leaves the choice up to us. It is completely and totally up to us how to live our lives. I do not think that there should be a ban on funding this so in a way, I'm pro-choice because we have the freedom to make that choice. God gave us hearts, minds, soul, consciences to make that choice ourselves. We are governed by no one but Him. To be "controlled" by man will only cause feuds and all that causes is bitterness. So, even though I would personally never have an abortion, I think everyone should be given the choice because WE as people can't judge them. Only God can and it's up to Him on what He wants to do. In other news, this deployment is almost over. I'm. So. Glad. I just think it's weird how the closer it gets to him coming home, the further away it seems. I'm almost in my third trimester too. I get kicked day and night, night and day. It's amazing. It's been a long January, I think. Bring on S.A.D. (Single Awareness Day)! WOOHOO! ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-01-24 01:32:43</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-01-24 06:32:43</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Fri, 23 Jan 2009 07:17:58 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I'm so tired of this frustration. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-01-23 07:17:17</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-01-23 12:17:17</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Thu, 22 Jan 2009 11:11:44 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I'm pretty sure I need to be slapped right about now. I told myself MONTHS ago that I was over this. I know deep down that he's over it, but I'm stupid and read something that was written well over a year ago. Well over two years ago in fact. But it doesn't stop me from wondering "what if." Like I said, I need to be slapped. It's like cancer, I swear. I go into this remission and before I know it, it's back again and I'm going down this downward spiral of self-consciousness wondering if I'm good enough, I'm actually what he wanted, or if I was just all he got because it wouldn't have worked out otherwise. I've heard people say that there's a reason certain people didn't make it to your future. I really should not be worrying about this. It's like everytime I think about it, there's this whole other person in my head that I'm thinking about. Not him. But my mind makes me think it's him. It's just who he was and I can't change who he was or what he thought and whether or not he was confused about what he wanted and he WAS confused about what he wanted. It just kills me that he would've rather had that at the time. I shouldn't have read it, but I did. And now here I am and I've got nothing to make me think otherwise. It has to be one of the most frustrating things for me to deal with. I deleted it. Yes. I did. I don't ever want to read it again. I had forgotten about it and here I was missing him when I decided to go and read other things and stumbled upon this specific entry. Why that one? It's crazy to think that those words were written by him. I don't know . . . I'm done. I don't ever have to read it again. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-01-22 11:11:02</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-01-22 16:11:02</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Tue, 13 Jan 2009 23:01:49 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[There's has to be more than this. Why did He put us here if there wasn't a purpose? Is the purpose to bring all of the nonbelievers to light? Because if that's the purpose, then all I will accomplish is pissing people off. I know one family here who believe. Who put their faith and their trust in God. It bothers me that that's ALL that I know. I could go to church here, but it's all military related services. It's like church where God only speaks to the airmen. This is why I miss home when I'm here. I think I've been avoiding this since I've been back. No . . . I think it's been in the back of my mind; I just didn't know what to think of it. How to approach it and when I do approach it, it hurts. I wish that I could do something about it, but I'm not sure WHAT to do about it. I know people are going to read this and that NO one will comment it. Why? Because they don't believe. That's fine. It doesn't mean that it doesn't bother me. Because if I befriend all of these people, shouldn't I be doing something instead of sitting back and doing nothing? Maybe there's a reason. I don't know. I kind of took a stab twice this morning. I'm on myspace and a couple friends filled out surveys with a few questions concerning whether or not they believe in God. The two others who filled it out said "not in the CHRISTIAN God." I'm not sure there's a CHRISTIAN God. There's just a God. And then the other one said, I'm not sure if there's a god but there's gotta be something out there. It's right in front of her eyes.  She admits to a higher power. But not to believing there's a God? I don't know. I'm frustrated. Why am I so worried about others' opinions? They have a choice. :( ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-01-13 23:01:07</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-01-14 04:01:07</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<pubDate>Mon, 12 Jan 2009 03:37:29 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[It's safe to say that it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I won't say what that "it" is. I refuse to say it out loud. Or in writing for that matter. It does make me reflect back on high school. My parent's had a mesquite tree in there backyard that I used to scribble randomness on with permanent marker. I had a couple other people write things on there too. I wonder if it's all still there. I'm sure it's faded if it is there. It's been a long time. I kind of miss it. I wanna go back and see if it's still visible enough to read when we go back to the states. Stupid book. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-01-12 03:36:47</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-01-12 08:36:47</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>689098961</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<title>Stupid MF Cheaters</title>

<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Fri, 02 Jan 2009 01:45:54 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[So, there's this fucker here that works with my husband but is not deployed at the moment. I thought I kind of knew who he was and I also thought he was a really nice guy, regardless of the fact that he doesn't know what "vertical" means. There's also this girl that lives a couple houses down from me. I thought I knew her too. She seemed sweet. She'd come and knock on my door and has brought me cookies and brownies. We'll call the guy Sam and we'll call the girl Brenda. Sam is a married man. Sam is married to a woman who we'll call Joan. Joan is pregnant with twins from Sam. Sam is upset because they already have two children who are both older than 5 years old. So, Sam comes over to Brenda's house a lot. And he fucks her. Joan doesn't know about this as far as we know. I know about it and my friend knows about it. We think that Sam knows that we know about it as well. Sam is REALLY nice to me, but behind my back Sam likes to talk shit about me. Specifically about what we're naming our little boy which by the way will be Jude Kyle. Sam doesn't like it. Frankly, I don't give a shit if he likes it or not, but the fact that he WAITS until I leave to talk about me after he was being so nice to me pisses me off. Did he think no one was going to tell me?  Did he think he was funny? Next time I see Sam over at Brenda's house while his wife is at home wondering where the fuck he's at, I'm going to pay Sam and Brenda a visit. Next time I see Sam anywhere, I'm going to tell Sam that he needs to stop worrying about what the hell Jonathan and I are naming OUR baby and focus on his wife being pregnant with his babies. Maybe think about names for them. Cause honestly, I don't give a flying fuck about his opinion and if he keeps voicing them BEHIND me back, I'll be voicing a few FACTS in front of his face while his wife his present. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2009-01-02 01:45:13</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2009-01-02 06:45:13</wp:post_date_gmt>

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-<![CDATA[Oh gosh! Somebody needs to tell his wife. It may be getting in the middle of their lives, but she needs to know. This brings back horrible memories... minus pregnant, I was Joan. I like the name you picked out! It's different, and I like different! He needs to focus on his own life and not worry about what you guys are doing. I say tell the wife rationally because I doubt she knows. Then find that jerk and tell him his wife knows with his little girlfriend there right beside him!]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2009-01-02 09:16:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2009-01-02 14:16:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>AirForceWife522</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://airforcewife522.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Mon, 29 Dec 2008 21:57:31 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I want to go to New Jersey. Random, I know. There's so many places that I think people overlook. If I told someone, "I'm going to New Jersey for vacation," I'd probably be asked why and they'd suggest Hawaii or Las Vegas, but the thing is that we all know what's in Hawaii. We all know what's in Vegas, but who knows what one will find in Jersey right? I'm just interested what I'll find there. I don't know why I have that sudden urge either. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-12-29 21:56:50</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-12-30 02:56:50</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Fri, 26 Dec 2008 22:37:23 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[So, I don't want to pay to see this movie, Twilight. I'm watching it online and so far . . . it's as I expected. Stupid high school kids being high school kids. Script writing is crap too. Probably because they're supposed to be talking like they're stupid anyway. Whatever. I'll stop griping. BUT I REST MY CASE. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-12-26 22:36:42</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-12-27 03:36:42</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>687229654</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<title>A knee injury for Christmas. YAY!</title>

<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Wed, 24 Dec 2008 23:00:50 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Ugh someone put me out of misery, please. I decided it was a good idea to fall going UP the stairs this morning. Yeah, I'm a genius. I was carrying my computer. Computer's fine. It's my knee that's pretty fucked up, I think. Damn you, stairs. Damn you! In other news, I'm waiting on my very late husband to come online. haha. Ah, well, at least I know he still loves me and that he's not dead. Stupid pregnancy hormones have been kicking my ass lately as most of you probably guessed. Last night, I was at the end of my patience and messaged a friend that's over there with him who happened to be online and pretty much told him that he needed to wake me husband up and tell him to get his ass online and explain to me WHY he hasn't called, emailed, or anything. hehe. Time to eat. OH and Merry Christmas to all my faithful readers. :P ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-12-24 23:00:08</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-12-25 04:00:08</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>686993550</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Tue, 23 Dec 2008 20:04:44 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Great. Christmas Eve. Whatever. Someone's fucking with the calendars. Christmas isn't for another 2 months, right? :( It's nice to wake up alone. Whatever. I had dreams all last night that he came home. That's right. I was tortured outside of reality too! I just want to crawl under the bed for two more months. Of course, by the time two months has gone by, I won't be able to get out because I'll be so big. :( This is harder than I thought and really not worth the heartache. He hasn't called in three days. I know . . . no big deal, but it's just one of those times where I feel like if I don't hear from him, I'm going to lose my mind. I mean, he missed our anniversary. It broke my heart. In that dream I had last night, let me just say it wasn't the best of dreams because he came back completely distant from me. He didn't talk about the baby or anything. When I talk to him on the phone, he usually will say that he can't wait to feel him kick and stuff, but in my dream, that didn't happen. He came back and did everything by himself. It made me feel worse when I woke up 15 minutes ago. It just doesn't feel like Christmas. I hate this. And I went to open the curtains and saw the neighbors putting a bunch of presents in their car and leaving. I'm glad someone's got their husband. Merry fuckin' Christmas to you too. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-12-23 20:01:24</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-12-24 01:01:24</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>686866881</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[He loves you. No worries about that. These months will be going by so quickly that you'll wonder where they went. In three Christmases, I've spent one with Chris. It was the best one lol. It'll go by quickly. Keep staying strong. You can do this]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-12-24 07:38:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-12-24 12:38:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>AirForceWife522</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://airforcewife522.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>29430852</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

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<wp:comment_id>1467607511</wp:comment_id>

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-<![CDATA[<a href="http://www.xanga.com/lifebeautylove/686866881/item.html?nextdate=1467607511&direction=n#1467607511" class="replyto x--1467607511--x">@afgrl326</a> -  Thanks. :) *hugs* I'm trying, I really am.]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-12-24 07:40:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-12-24 12:40:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>lifebeautylove</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://lifebeautylove.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>26011077</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

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<wp:comment_id>1467607707</wp:comment_id>

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-<![CDATA[Oh I know. You are very strong. I should be feeling the same way right now, but I think it's too early in the morning. And I guess I'm thankful he's not deployed to a scary place right now. I just keep crossing my fingers that North and South Korea will stay away from eachother until he gets back lol. You need anything, I am here. I respect you so much, and I'm here for you if you need anything!]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-12-24 07:44:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-12-24 12:44:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>AirForceWife522</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://airforcewife522.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>29430852</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

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<wp:comment_id>1467608094</wp:comment_id>

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-<![CDATA[I know how hard it is :( I wasn't pregnant during christmas time but he was deployed so it was hard and I can't imagine how many extra emotions you must be feeling. Our anniversary is today and last year was our first so it was really hard. I hope something great happens tomorrow to bring some happiness in the day. smiles. <3 steph]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-12-24 15:32:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-12-24 20:32:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>storralva</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://storralva.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>35259808</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

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<wp:comment_id>1467660167</wp:comment_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Tue, 23 Dec 2008 05:43:20 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[The world waits around, but I keep slipping and losing ground. No prisoner could climb the walls that I've built up in my mind since I've been without you. I would give anything that's worth giving, I would say any line to try to get you nearer to me. Awake and dreaming. I'm only sleeping. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-12-23 05:42:39</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-12-23 10:42:39</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>686792191</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Mon, 22 Dec 2008 07:24:55 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[We've been together for three years. And married for two. This is the first time I'm without him at this time of year and it's killing me tonight. It's our anniversary. No call. No email. No anything. I feel like my heart's in my throat. I know it's not his fault, but why do I feel this upset? :( I miss him so much and it hurts. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-12-22 07:24:14</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-12-22 12:24:14</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sat, 20 Dec 2008 14:14:00 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Going out is fun. I'll admit that. But one thing that will ALWAYS baffle me is how people can have fun being THAT drunk. To the point where you're begging someone to make out with you while you crawl over tables knocking stuff over. How is that fun? You're not being sexy, you're not being graceful, you're just pissing people off. I don't get it. I don't think I ever will. I can understand getting happy and stuff, but not fuckin' shitfaced. Either way, I won't let that ruin my night. I almost beat Matthew Henderson at poker. that's all that matters. lol. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-12-20 14:13:19</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-12-20 19:13:19</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sat, 20 Dec 2008 00:03:20 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[We're officially having a boy as of this morning. :) We ventured out to Hachinohe and I got another ultrasound and of course, my camera-happy son, let us see it all. :) Here's a video of the ultrasound. It's a bit of a delayed start, so wait for it. :) <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/xGp34GYTkoM&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/xGp34GYTkoM&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-12-20 00:01:54</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-12-20 05:01:54</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>686415494</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[Congrats! He's so cute!]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-12-20 09:12:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-12-20 14:12:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>AirForceWife522</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://airforcewife522.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>29430852</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

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<wp:comment_id>1467000646</wp:comment_id>

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<title>Them KTXT people.</title>

<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Wed, 17 Dec 2008 05:48:29 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[This was sent to me from the SAVE KTXT 88.1 group on Facebook. Gutta cavat lapidem. ("The fall of dropping water wears away the Stone.") -- Lucretius It's because it's what you love, Ricky. It is who you were born to be. And here you sit, thinking. Well, Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver. He is a doer. And that's what you need to do. You don't need to think. You need to drive. You need speed. You need to go out there, and you need to rev your engine. You need to fire it up. You need to grab a hold of that line between speed and chaos, and you need to wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra! And then, when the fear rises up in your belly, you use it. And you know that fear is powerful, because it has been there for billions of years. And it is good. And you use it. And you ride it; you ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell, and then you win, Ricky. You WIN! -- Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby ------ WE'RE IN THE ASSOCIATED PRESS! ------ We are in the Associated Press: <a href="http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/ap/tx/6167838.html" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/ap/tx/6167838.html</a> At least they admit they were worried about profanity: "Many fighting for the station's survival were angry at how the shutdown was handled. Student Media department director Susan Peterson said the closure on the last day of the semester allowed DJs to do their final shows. "Tech officials took the station off the air quickly on advice from others in the industry 'because we didn't want to risk the FCC license and thousands of dollars in fines to the university," Peterson said.' "Among the concerns were the possible use of profanity that could have led to FCC fines, she said." Wow. Yeah, you know how those KTXT people are. Always cursing and stuff! Why, those KTXT folks! Why, they're probably out listening to wild jazz records and dancing the night away at some speakeasy and jalopy-racing out by Old Man Widdershin's farm! Shooting billiards, no doubt! Kicking up their heels while the cow needs a'milkin and the barn doors unpainted! Why, I hear they even invite _traveling musicians_ into our town, and you know what *that* type's like! Never mind gittin' dandelions pulled, or the screen door patched, or getting well-water for the evening bath! Mothers of Lubbock! Heed the warning before it's too late! Watch for the tell-tale sign of corruption! The moment your daughter or son leaves the house, does she or he wear "blue jeans" and "Chuck Taylors"? "Possible use of profanity." Jeez louise, man. Don't get me started. ----- A WEEK LATER ... --------- Sorry, I got off on a tangent there. Anyway. Just checking in. Remember a week ago, it looked like Student Media was going to dismantle Tech without any interference. Well, we've upset their time table. I don't know what's going to happen next, to be honest. The first couple of days were up in the air and we had to move fast. We still do, but the way is not clear. I'd like to thank all of you for doing so much to save this station. I think we're going to succeed. But it's so hard to tell what's coming. ----- AN UPDATED NATIONAL MEDIA CONTACT LIST FOR TUESDAY ------ I wanted to remind you guys again to mail off your own comments to the National Media if you haven't done so already. Write a letter explaining our situation and why SAVE KTXT exists. Good (and Working) Email Copy-and-Paste National News Media List. For first-time mass mailers, I recommend sending them in the BCC: address section of your email, and putting your own name in the "To" field. That way, the guy at CBSNews can't see we're also mailing the Editor of U.S.A. Today. The list is: scoop@huffingtonpost.com, info@studentpress.org, evening@cbsnews.com, earlyshow@cbs.com, 48hours@cbsnews.com, ftn@cbsnews.com, Special@foxnews.com, Foxreport@foxnews.com, Ontherecord@foxnews.com, hardball@msnbc.com, joe@msnbc.com, nightly@nbc.com, today@nbc.com, newshour@pbs.org, ombudsman@npr.org, letters@latimes.com, readers.rep@latimes.com, letters@nytimes.com, news-tips@nytimes.com, editor@usatoday.com, wsj.ltrs@wsj.com, wsjcontact@dowjones.com, letters@washpost.com, ombudsman@washpost.com, letters@newsweek.com, letters@time.com, letters@usnews.com, fair@fair.org All of the above e-mails have been tested by yours truly. As late as 4 p.m. Tuesday Dec. 16, 2008, _they were all up and receiving mail_. Want to do more? If you’re daring, here’s a very, very long list of media contacts, which I haven’t posted yet. You may get crazy amounts of bounceback, though: <a href="http://www.rumormillnews.com/MEDIA_EMAIL_ADDRESSES.htm" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">http://www.rumormillnews.com/MEDIA_EMAIL_ADDRESSES.htm</a> IF you want to call instead: PHONE NUMBERS: -------------------- ABC News Phone: 212-456-7777 CBS News Phone: 212-975-4321 Fax: 212-975-1893 CNBC Phone: (201) 735-2622 Fax: (201) 583-5453 CNN Phone: 404-827-1500 Fax: 404-827-1784 <a href="http://www.cnn.com/feedback/" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">http://www.cnn.com/feedback/</a> <--- For Email BBC (Americans this news site often enough to put it in the Top 50 visited sites on Alexa's Internet Web site rankings list). <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/newswatch/ukfs/hi/newsid_3990000/newsid_3993900/3993909.stm" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">http://news.bbc.co.uk/newswatch/ukfs/hi/newsid_3990000/newsid_3993900/3993909.stm</a> FOX NEWS Phone: (201) 735-2622 Fax: (201) 583-5453 MSNBC/NBC Phone: (212) 664-4444 Fax: (212) 664-4426 PBS Phone: 703-739-5000 Fax: 703-739-8458 National Public Radio Phone: 202-513-3232 Fax: 202-513-3329 <a href="http://www.npr.org/contact/index.html#email" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">http://www.npr.org/contact/index.html#email</a> The Los Angeles Times Phone: 800-528-4637 or 213-237-5000 Fax: 213-237-4712 The New York Times Phone: 212-556-1234 D.C. Bureau phone: 202-862-0300 Fax: 212-556-3690 USA Today Phone: 703-854-3400 Fax: 703-854-2078 The Wall Street Journal Phone: 212-416-2000 Fax: 212-416-2658 The Washington Post Phone: 202-334-6000 Fax: 202-334-5269 Newsweek Phone: 212-445-4000 Fax: 212-445-5068 Time Phone: 212-522-1212 Fax: 212-522-0003 U.S. News & World Report Phone: 202-955-2000 Fax: 202-955-2049 United Press International Telephone: 202-898-8000 FAX: 202-898-8048 ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-12-17 05:47:48</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-12-17 10:47:48</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>686086934</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sat, 13 Dec 2008 07:26:48 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[1. Corkscrew 2. Teeth 3. Knife 4. Hammer 5. Strainer This is what it takes for special people like Katreeca and I to open a bottle. :( We're retards. We broke the corkscrew too. *sigh* ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-12-13 07:26:07</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-12-13 12:26:07</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>685636456</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Fri, 12 Dec 2008 02:02:47 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Come back KTXT. Lubbock . . . you suck now. :( Texas Tech . . . you've lost my respect. <a target="_blank" href="http://xa4.xanga.com/528c815177c30224563711/b176454812.jpg"><img title="l_31886ceb6a064c158711b46bd4e37671" style="border-style: none; border-width: 0px;" src="http://xa4.xanga.com/528c815177c30224563711/z176454812.jpg" height="400"></a> ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-12-12 02:02:06</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-12-12 07:02:06</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>685495008</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Fri, 05 Dec 2008 13:54:16 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I'm heartbroken. I have to admit that I haven't had much to say since I have been back in Lubbock. I didn't know what to say. I didn't see the whole picture until now on the day I leave. Last night, so many things happened. I had too much fun at Denny's. I witnessed a burglary at Kohl's. Some guy drove the wrong way on the loop. I'm still going to miss the damn this place. But ... is it really Lubbock I miss or is it just my husband? I think it's a bit of both. I miss him and Lubbock only makes that worse and now that I'm leaving, I feel like I'm leaving him here. He's not in Misawa. His heart was never there. It was always here. I'm not completely lonely there, but it feels like it. There's something missing there. Memories. Good memories. I am hoping for the LIFE of me that I can manage some good memories as I return to The Land of The Rising Sun because I truly do not want to go back and be as depressed and hopeless as I was prior to coming back to Lubbock. Lubbock had me realize that there's still magic There's still great people. There's still love. There's still some sort of intelligence among us. If only I could make my husband know that. I have a few things I'd like to say to the people he works with and one of those things in a question. That question is, "Are you allergic to smart?" I am not finished yet, but I have to be right now. Dallas calls. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-12-05 13:53:34</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-12-05 18:53:34</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>684773134</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sat, 29 Nov 2008 01:28:48 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I thought about writing something earlier, but I can't remember what it is now. I got to see him though! Only over a webcam, but that's better than nothing. I need to get myself a webcam still.  I wish I could remember what I wanted to write about. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-11-29 01:28:06</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-11-29 06:28:06</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>683986390</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Wed, 26 Nov 2008 17:47:00 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[The whole time I've been here I haven't stopped hearing about the military. Why is it that some people think that being military is like a secret club that is SOOO awesome to be part of. It's not THAT great, guys. It's mostly the benefits that they take advantage of, but they don't get those advantages and so they use me while I visit to take advantage of it. I have an ID, but I don't FREAK out and tell everyone "Oooo I'm Air Force, look at me, I'm so awesssoommme." The Air Force is not fucking club, guys. Military wives do however have a cult. lol. hahahahaha!! Okay, no. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-11-26 17:46:18</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-11-26 22:46:18</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>683734613</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[Ha. I second this post. People - the military is NOT all that cool, I promise.]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-12-01 16:28:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-12-01 21:28:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>Kelico</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://kelico.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>24538530</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

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<wp:comment_id>1464200465</wp:comment_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Wed, 26 Nov 2008 16:10:10 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I hate how irritated I've been in the last week or so, but you have to admit that I have reasons to be as irritated as I am. First of all, I am in Del Rio. I've also been sick here for the majority of the time. Bronchitis on vacation. "Vacation." I also can't be free and happy with my pregnancy. I don't know what I would do if I had to stay here my whole pregnancy. They all know about it, but I still feel like I have to hide it. When I mention the baby, it goes unheard. I don't understand, but that's the way it is. So, hopefully Sunday my irritation will decrease once I pull out of the driveway. Hopefully, I can get into Lubbock early enough for a nap before the shower. I highly doubt it. I think one of my biggest peeves while being here is finding out that my husband's tour has been extended until March. That leaves US, as a couple, one month to prepare for our little one. We want to do this all together, so I haven't really bought many baby things. I do know that when I get back, I'm going to be in the nesting mood. I don't know if it's too early, but I've got this awesome entertainment center waiting there for me and now I've gotta rearrange furniture once more. I can't wait for that. Plus, I'll be doing some Christmas decorating and hanging out with some friends, two of which have had their baby since I've left. :) I think that's all for now. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-11-26 16:09:29</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-11-26 21:09:29</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>683731612</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Tue, 25 Nov 2008 15:07:06 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[It's official. I suck at tolerating other peoples' emotions. I suck at consolation. Yay. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-11-25 15:06:24</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-11-25 20:06:24</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>683610220</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Tue, 25 Nov 2008 00:04:37 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I just love how some people think they know that they're talking about. I really do. To those of you who don't look at JUST the surface of what I write, thank you. To those of you who CAN'T read between the lines, why bother reading something that belongs to someone you don't even know? Much less commenting on it? If you do comment, don't try and tell someone how it is. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-11-25 00:03:55</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-11-25 05:03:55</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>683513824</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Mon, 24 Nov 2008 15:33:13 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[What is wrong with me? I'm hormonal. Yes, I admit it. I'm hormonal, but that doesn't mean that what I'm upset about isn't something valid. When people stand in the MIDDLE of the aisles at the store, am I supposed to smile and be happy about the fact that you're in my way? It irks me when people feel so fucking sorry for themselves. Especially the ones who pretend that they are poor so that they can get things for free/cheaper prices. Fuckin' moochers! People who like music, but diss on other people's music. I don't complain about your music; don't complain about mine. You think HE sounds drunk; at least he doesn't sound like he's crying through the whole freakin' song. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-11-24 15:32:32</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-11-24 20:32:32</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>683489351</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sat, 22 Nov 2008 22:00:12 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Irritated. So very irritated. I need a bubble. Bubble, please. No more people. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-11-22 21:59:30</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-11-23 02:59:30</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Fri, 21 Nov 2008 08:07:32 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Hello, Misery. I see we've met again. This time you bring gifts of coughs and nausea. Oh, and all while I reside in the same house as my "dearest" sister. Japan, how I miss thee. "You can't always get what you want," but God, this is not what I need! It's amazing how a truthful words can turn the tides, by the way. She was tolerable for but two days and then the devil's spawn set in. Can't give me too much false hope now, right? God, I love life, but can I have a sedative for the next ten days? One that's safe for my unborn child who hasn't yet had the chance of meeting my "friend" misery, but is probably pretty damn irritated with me already and has without a doubt wondered why that high pitched squealing, that is my sister, is torturing him or her so badly. Maybe he or she has met misery then. Gotta start 'em out early. Prepare them for the outside world. Those poor little ears. I think I'll just keep you inside of me. It's amazing what truthful words can do to people who aren't used to the truth. It's also amazing what denying someone McDonald's can do! Ah, yes McDonald's. The artery clogging, greasy delicacy, authentic dish of what is America. I'm not dissing on America, but to those of you who are completely obsessed with McDonald's, get a clue, please! Yuck is all I've gotta say about that. And to whoever made medicine unsafe to take during pregnancy, thanks for making our lives a little more difficult! All so that in the end, you can beg us to let you hold our baby and tell us that it's cute. Yeah? Well, I didn't sleep for nine months! I'm sure that you slept plenty, right? And you have the nerve to tell me that my baby is cute. My baby is not ONLY cute! It's THE cutest baby ever and I'm SURE that it's probably got more brain cells than you do too! It would GLADLY drink milk instead of eat a fucking grease burger! Congratulations, human race! You fucking suck! End. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-11-21 08:06:50</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-11-21 13:06:50</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>683069726</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[A.M.E.N. nuff said]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-11-23 21:24:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-11-24 02:24:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>Kelico</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://kelico.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>24538530</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

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<wp:comment_id>1462933578</wp:comment_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Tue, 18 Nov 2008 21:58:04 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Damn you Del Rio. Even you make miss him more. How is that possible? ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-11-18 21:57:22</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-11-19 02:57:22</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>682787910</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[Probably because seeing how badly Del Rio sucks makes you even more appreciative of him lol.]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-11-19 02:46:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-11-19 07:46:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>ArielM87</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://arielm87.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>32700180</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

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<wp:comment_id>1462154471</wp:comment_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Fri, 14 Nov 2008 18:10:43 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I miss him so bad. It's one of those times where it hurts. :( Where if I don't feel him soon, I'm going to break in half. :( Come home to me, please. I need you bad. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-11-14 18:10:01</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-11-14 23:10:01</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Thu, 13 Nov 2008 23:44:01 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I went to a Bible Study tonight with my brother in law. It was a good one but I think I left there thinking about something other than what we studied. It started with the announcements at the end of the study when they were talking about how there are applications you can download online to apply for missions. It made me think that a lot of people like to talk about how big churches have so many . . . things. Lighting, sound, etc. Then they have their own websites. My thought on all of this is what better way to spend money than that? Then my best friend told me that some people think that they could give it to the community. A community who would be ungrateful though. So, the church could give their money to people who are grateful for it or to those who aren't. But if it takes money and earthly things to make people turn to God, isn't that going about it the wrong way? Shouldn't we bring people to God through His word instead of bribing them with money? So, really that's what I think about that. It's not so bad that churches spend money on things that are worthy of it. It's the same thing with the internet. It's not a bad a thing for a church to have their own website. I mean we have other things on the internet that are horrible and we don't so much complain about them, do we? There are websites that instruct pedophiles on what to do to children and we complain about church websites? We put millions into clubs, casinos, strip clubs, etc, and we want to complain about how much the church puts into what they have even though we KNOW that it wouldn't make much of a difference to give it to someone down the street who has always talked about how God is a joke? I'm not saying to NOT spread the word. But I AM saying that giving them money is not how you do it. I think I have gotten the point across. I can elaborate more if you want.]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-11-13 23:43:19</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-11-14 04:43:19</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Tue, 11 Nov 2008 23:39:18 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I like being in my own little world. It happens most often when I'm sick, like right now. I like to be alone and it's even better since I am home. I just need him to hold now. I want to write to him again, but I don't even know how to write what it is I want to say. I just finished watching The Science of Sleep. A movie for crackheads, but I'm sure was good nonetheless if I weren't feeling so damn crappy. I'm going to need to watch it again, but I'll probably wait for him to come home before I do that. I'm trying so hard to enjoy the now. And not focus on the later. Because when I get back to Misawa, all I'm going to remember is how much I didn't want to go back to Japan. This is relaxation time for me. Even if it means me being sick with a cold. Or sinuses. Whichever it may be. It still makes me feel shitty. Deployment is expensive. I've spent a lot of money on buying/sending things over to him, but it's worth it still. :) His Christmas presents weren't all that cheap either, but that's okay too. There are a few things I have yet to do while I'm here. Some may have to wait until December. For now, I'm miserable and sleep calls to me. At least I'm miserable in Texas and not miserable AND alone in Misawa. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-11-11 23:38:36</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-11-12 04:38:36</wp:post_date_gmt>

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-<![CDATA[I like being in my own little world sometimes too =) It's so much easier to shut myself out of what's really going on. The only problem is once in a while I'll "wake up" and "realize" the situation, which usually results in some intense crying =( Just know that it's not easy for everyone, and there are many women out there in your same position. You're not alone in this! I hope you shake this cold or whatever it is soon! How long will you be in Japan by yourself before he gets back?]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-11-12 03:59:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-11-12 08:59:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>Kelico</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://kelico.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>24538530</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

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<wp:comment_id>1460965362</wp:comment_id>

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-<![CDATA[You remind me of myself and my girlfriend, who lives about 1,000 miles away from me, in another time zone. It's always been like that, so it takes some getting used to. I send her gifts, sometimes ordered online, or sometimes mailed from my house in a big giant box, but it always wracks up a bill. But at the end of the day, I know that it's always worth it, to see them smile. :) You're a very sweet person! Sweet persons deserve sweet things. :D]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-11-12 14:19:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-11-12 19:19:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>TheMajesticPickle</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://themajesticpickle.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>32880063</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

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<wp:comment_id>1461070631</wp:comment_id>

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-<![CDATA[<a href="http://www.xanga.com/lifebeautylove/681933225/item.html?nextdate=1461070631&direction=n#1461070631" class="replyto x--1461070631--x">@TheMajesticPickle</a> -  Hello, nice to hear from you again! :) I should be used to him being away from me by now. haha. I think it's harder because I'm pregnant now. =\ But thanks for thinking I am sweet. :P]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-11-12 14:29:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-11-12 19:29:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>lifebeautylove</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://lifebeautylove.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>26011077</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

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<wp:comment_id>1461071159</wp:comment_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sun, 09 Nov 2008 13:14:01 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I think being sick makes me think a little more. I talked to Jonathan and he said a few things that surprised me. I'm not going to say what he said, but it surprised me nonetheless. I think being away for this long and having very limited communication can do things to you. It can do some good, I think. I don't want him to feel as bad as he does still. He started to write again which makes me happy. He told me that his female character is more like me. I'm not going to complain but part of me feels like he did it so that I wouldn't be offended. I really just want him to write about what it is he wants to write about. I used to be so insecure about it, but not so much anymore. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-11-09 13:13:19</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-11-09 18:13:19</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>681648730</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Tue, 04 Nov 2008 02:51:57 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I'm frustrated. I can't stop to breathe. I need to stay home one of these nights. I think I'll make it a point to do so on Friday or Saturday. I know everyone wants to see me and I'm having trouble splitting time with everyone up. :( I wanna stay home a bit though!! I miss watching movies with Jon's parents. :( I wish his mom were awake. I want to talk to her. :( Tomorrow morning, I suppose. I miss Jonathan. I wish he'd call soon. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-11-04 02:51:16</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-11-04 07:51:16</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>680917499</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Mon, 03 Nov 2008 01:35:12 -05:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Being here makes me miss him more. So many memories. So much. Last night while trying to sleep in his room it's all I could think about. All those night we just stayed awake. It doesn't seem like so long ago now. It just seems like it happened yesterday and now he's suddenly gone. He just disappeared and is not out of my reach. It kills me that he's unreachable right now. I want to drive. But I can't do it without him. I want to go to our little lake, but I can't do it without him. I just feel wrong doing anything without him because without him here, I'm not just not able to do it. It's a constant reminder that he's not with me. I sit here on this computer and even that's a constant reminder that he is not with me. The smell in the house is something I relate to him. It makes me fall in love with him all over again. Something so incredibly minute as a smell. This is all I have of him right now and I'm clinging to it. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-11-03 01:34:30</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-11-03 06:34:30</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>680781199</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[I feel the same way. I always miss him, but usually I'm able to avoid/ignore some of those feelings. The other day I was cleaning our room, and I smelled his pillow. Tears just started pouring from my eyes. It instantly triggered the part of my brain that knows he's supposed to be here with me, but he's not. I'm so happy for you that you can be with family and friends during this time!]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-11-03 03:00:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-11-03 08:00:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>Kelico</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://kelico.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>24538530</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

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<wp:comment_id>1459381718</wp:comment_id>

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-<![CDATA[i know what you mean....its so hard.]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-11-03 10:47:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-11-03 15:47:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>storralva</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://storralva.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>35259808</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

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<wp:comment_id>1459477778</wp:comment_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Fri, 31 Oct 2008 08:01:19 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I'm nervous. Not just about flying but about leaving. *gasp* I hate the fact that Jake's going to be stuck here. It's safe to say . . . I'm going to miss it here a little. *gasp* In the last few days though, I'm in that state of mind of where I'm in the middle of Japan at Texas somewhere. I'm physically here, but mentally nowhere. I kind of missed that feeling a little bit and don't ask me why. I just float around doing errands. Yet, I'm an emotional mess. It a reminder to me that I'm still alive I guess. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-31 08:00:37</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-31 12:00:37</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>680425472</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Wed, 29 Oct 2008 01:07:40 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[There's snow on the mountains as of this morning. :) I was driving to the B/X and just noticed it. It brightened my day. I was listening to Modest Mouse too which made it a thousand times better. I love the weather here. I really do. Just not the weather in July, August, September so much. Right now, though, it's perfect. It's cold. I came home and took a bath, a long one. Enya plays. All three candles in the house are lit. The candles I can stand, that is. :) So very relaxed. I put up the Christmas tree last night simply because I don't know if I'll be able to do it when I get back. Don't tell anyone, but I have it plugged in too. :) I like it. CHRISTMAS!!!! I mean, if all the stores out there are doing, then why not I, yes? :) =\ I don't care. Halloween pumpkin carving tonight maybe. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-29 01:06:59</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-29 05:06:59</wp:post_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_status>open</wp:comment_status>

<wp:status>Publish</wp:status>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>680143900</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[I love Christmas! I'm jealous, I would love to see some snow. The forecast keeps saying "rain/snow mix" then it changes to just rain =\]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-30 04:41:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-30 08:41:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>Kelico</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://kelico.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>24538530</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

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<wp:comment_id>1458710424</wp:comment_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sun, 26 Oct 2008 23:48:30 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[OMG I'm gonna kill someone!!! This frikkin' hurts like hell!!!!!!!! The only reason I'm still in a good mood is because I've only 4 1/2 days left in this hell hole!!!!! RAWR! VICODIN!!!! :( ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-26 23:47:50</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-27 03:47:50</wp:post_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_status>open</wp:comment_status>

<wp:status>Publish</wp:status>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>679879718</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[What happened? Get your wisdom teeth removed? That's always painful!]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-27 22:24:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-28 02:24:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>TheMajesticPickle</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://themajesticpickle.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>32880063</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

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<wp:comment_id>1458359312</wp:comment_id>

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-<![CDATA[<a href="http://www.xanga.com/lifebeautylove/679879718/item.html?nextdate=1458359312&direction=n#1458359312" class="replyto x--1458359312--x">@TheMajesticPickle</a> -  actually i had my braces tightened. :( but ive gone through the wisdom teeth too and yeah that does hurt, but owwwww.]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-27 23:19:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-28 03:19:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>lifebeautylove</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://lifebeautylove.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>26011077</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

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<wp:comment_id>1458364063</wp:comment_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sun, 26 Oct 2008 07:10:19 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[omgaw im in turkish food heaven! lentil soup and onion salad. *drool* cant believe i actually got around to making this. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-26 07:09:39</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-26 11:09:39</wp:post_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_status>open</wp:comment_status>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>679787357</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sun, 26 Oct 2008 02:59:22 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Okay, so I have less than a week left before my departure. For now, I'm just chilling out until I actually get around to packing. I'm travelling light. Simply because most of my clothes here don't fit anymore anyway. I think time is slowing down a bit, however. I'm not really surprised though! I really don't have too much to say. Unless you want details of my all day sickness. :D ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-26 02:58:42</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-26 06:58:42</wp:post_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_status>open</wp:comment_status>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>679764909</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Tue, 21 Oct 2008 12:13:40 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Sometimes the people you didn't think would be there for you are the ones who are there the most. Blessings in disguise. :) In other news, I have found my dream house. We're going to need a bigger house to begin with so I'm hoping we can move soon. =\ ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-21 12:13:00</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-21 16:13:00</wp:post_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_status>open</wp:comment_status>

<wp:status>Publish</wp:status>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>679205672</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Tue, 21 Oct 2008 05:18:31 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Lubbock gas=2.61???????? Wow. It's funny though how we always have something to complain about. Gas prices fall, but food prices rise so we complain about food prices. We're never satisfied. :P ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-21 05:17:51</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-21 09:17:51</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>679138576</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sun, 19 Oct 2008 06:03:45 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I LOVE toast with cinnamon and sugar on it. :) Lots of butter. I have a terrible headache. That's all. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-19 06:03:05</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-19 10:03:05</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>678892128</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[Ahh!! You made me get a craving and I just had three pieces lol. Noooo! =P]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-19 13:25:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-19 17:25:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>Kelico</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://kelico.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>24538530</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

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<wp:comment_id>1457019971</wp:comment_id>

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-<![CDATA[<a href="http://www.xanga.com/lifebeautylove/678892128/item.html?nextdate=1457019971&direction=n#1457019971" class="replyto x--1457019971--x">@Kelico</a> -  it's okay. i had four pieces!!!! are you cinnamon,sugar toast lover too then? :D]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-20 03:08:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-20 07:08:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>lifebeautylove</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://lifebeautylove.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>26011077</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

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<wp:comment_id>1457074574</wp:comment_id>

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-<![CDATA[<a href="http://www.xanga.com/lifebeautylove/678892128/item.html?nextdate=1457074574&direction=n#1457074574" class="replyto x--1457074574--x">@lifebeautylove</a> -  I only had it once before yesterday. I just thought it sounded good and boy was it ever!]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-20 12:36:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-20 16:36:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>DisappearingKelico</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://disappearingkelico.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>35226873</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

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<wp:comment_id>1457172843</wp:comment_id>

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-<![CDATA[haha I just realized that I commented with the wrong xanga the second time LOL. Wow I need a nap. Sorry if there was any confusion. I was wondering why it asked if I wanted to add you as a friend, duh!]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-21 15:14:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-21 19:14:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>Kelico</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://kelico.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>24538530</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

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<wp:comment_id>1457346221</wp:comment_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Fri, 17 Oct 2008 05:58:37 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I'm going to come out and just say it. I'm depressed. I know I am. This sucks. I miss him that much. I'm still doing better than I thought I would be, but I thought I was doing better than I actually am. Anyway, this is how much I miss him. I watch this because it reminds me of us. "It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?" That and I just love The Killers. Deal with it.<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Bc50ONFU3jQ&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Bc50ONFU3jQ&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></object>I wanna dress up as her for Halloween. :P]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-17 05:56:48</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-17 09:56:48</wp:post_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_status>open</wp:comment_status>

<wp:status>Publish</wp:status>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>678637525</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[Well, you'll be here soon and hopefully you'll get a boost from the people you love. I wish you the best :(.]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-17 07:58:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-17 11:58:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>ArielM87</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://arielm87.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>32700180</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

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<wp:comment_id>1456614006</wp:comment_id>

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-<![CDATA[<a href="http://www.xanga.com/lifebeautylove/678637525/item.html?nextdate=1456614006&direction=n#1456614006" class="replyto x--1456614006--x">@ArielM87</a> - <a href="http://www.xanga.com/lifebeautylove/678637525/item.html?nextdate=1456614006&direction=n#1456614006" class="replyto x--1456614006--x">@ArielM87</a> -  Yeah even hanging out with you guys will help!]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-17 08:08:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-17 12:08:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>lifebeautylove</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://lifebeautylove.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>26011077</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

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<wp:comment_id>1456615853</wp:comment_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Thu, 16 Oct 2008 09:30:26 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I learn things the hard way. When you worry about someone who is in Iraq, you should NOT look up videos on YouTube about the base that they are at. You'll find nothing but videos filled with mortar attacks. That was a couple of weeks ago. Tonight, here in this house, I was alone and decided to read up on The Zodiac Murders. I read about the victims and how he killed them. Heh. Not a good idea to do that when you know that things like that will keep you up for a while. I'm fascinated by the case, just as I am about the Lizzie Borden case. It's just not a good idea to read up on them before bed! I learn things the hard way. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-16 09:29:46</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-16 13:29:46</wp:post_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_status>open</wp:comment_status>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>678541677</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[I wanted to comment this when I first read it but David was rushing me out the door for work. Do you mean it as in they keep you up because you get spooked or they keep you up because you get wrapped up in them and want to keep readin' (I do this often. Can't help mahself)? David's got a whole box of index cards on serial killers (don't know if you know this or not). I stayed up one night readin' all of them with him. Curiouser and curiouser :p]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-17 00:31:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-17 04:31:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>ArielM87</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://arielm87.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>32700180</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

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<wp:comment_id>1456573931</wp:comment_id>

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<title>lubbock love</title>

<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Thu, 16 Oct 2008 01:28:42 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Plenty of you have heard me talk about this before, so if you don't want to hear about it, then you I wouldn't read on. I'm very excited about what's to come in the next few weeks. I'm getting something I've needed for a long time. It's not really just about having a social life again and it's not really about eating something besides rice. There's more to it. Most people don't really see what I'm talking about when I talk about going home. I know that Lubbock isn't the MOST gorgeous place on earth. Japan's beautiful. No, Japan's okay. It's beautiful in some spots. I happen to live in the one of the not so beautiful parts of Japan, but I haven't had that many GREAT experiences here outside of my own house. I'm sure we would have more great experiences if we were able to pick up and go as we please but the military doesn't work that way. I have had wonderful experiences in Lubbock and I can't get over the fact that I'm going back soon. Here in Misawa, you don't have that open road, that beautiful vast sky. The beautiful sunsets. Here you have beaches that are littered, buildings too tall and close together and you can't see the horizon. I'm one to get in the car at 2 in the morning and for a long drive. All you need is some good music and a lot of gas! I like discovering new places, new people. Okay, maybe not new people at 2 AM because that's when the freaks are out . . . which . . . makes me a freak . . . :) Nothing wrong with that! Lubbock's this magical place that people miss when they leave it and eventually want to get out once they are there. haha. I've never really missed a place as much. I don't MISS Del Rio. It'll be nice to be back there, but I'd be okay if I didn't go there and my family just came up to see me instead. Yesterday,  I wrote about seeing some geese flying overhead here and it made me happy but as I told a friend of mine, it just wasn't quite the same. Those geese are special to me, however. It always reminds me of when Jonathan and I were at one of the playas in Lubbock and we were just feeding them. It was when we were new. Before the puzzle was complete. Also when we stayed up all night long just to be together and we watched the sun rise at Ransom Canyon. Everytime I see those geese, I feel love. It's my favorite part of fall/winter there. Most people know this but there are some who read this and do not know that. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-16 01:28:02</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-16 05:28:02</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>678497719</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Wed, 15 Oct 2008 21:50:06 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Ah! I'm in love with spiced rose and vanilla oil candles. That and they just may be the only scent that does not make me sick. I'm in a good mood this morning. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-15 21:49:26</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-16 01:49:26</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>678484367</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Wed, 15 Oct 2008 05:28:09 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Just a couple of thoughts tonight: If God is everywhere, why do I feel SOOO lost in this place sometimes? Why haven't I listened to The Dresden Dolls in a few years? God, I missed them. I saw flying geese tonight and felt a fleeting happiness. Caffeine gives me this buzz faster than it used to. I can't wait to spend the night at Aroma's coffee. I love that place. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-15 05:27:30</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-15 09:27:30</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>678382236</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[I think we can feel so lost even though God's everywhere because there are sometimes that we're too wrapped up in our emotions and are not focusing on the great things that we have in life. At least that's what I've come to understand about times that I've felt that way.]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-15 12:29:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-15 16:29:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>storralva</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://storralva.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>35259808</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

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<wp:comment_id>1456362635</wp:comment_id>

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-<![CDATA[Everything, and I mean absolutely everything, happens for a reason. If you're feeling lost, it's possible that God is merely testing you. Your selfless acts toward this situation will prove your love!]]>
</wp:comment_content>

<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-15 12:42:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-15 16:42:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>TheMajesticPickle</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://themajesticpickle.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>32880063</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

<wp:comment_type/>

<wp:comment_id>1456364502</wp:comment_id>

</wp:comment>

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-<![CDATA[<a href="http://www.xanga.com/lifebeautylove/678382236/item.html?nextdate=1456364502&direction=n#1456364502" class="replyto x--1456364502--x">@TheMajesticPickle</a> -  Maybe He is testing me. If that's the case, however, He's been testing me a whole lot since I've moved to Japan. I have a few nonbeliever friends. Maybe they're influencing me in a bad way and God is testing me to see if I can resist. I don't know. Thanks for your comment.]]>
</wp:comment_content>

<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-15 21:35:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-16 01:35:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>lifebeautylove</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://lifebeautylove.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>26011077</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

<wp:comment_type/>

<wp:comment_id>1456402323</wp:comment_id>

</wp:comment>

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-<![CDATA[<a href="http://www.xanga.com/lifebeautylove/678382236/item.html?nextdate=1456362635&direction=n#1456362635" class="replyto x--1456362635--x">@storralva</a> -  I suppose that's true. I've been so wrapped up and focused on getting back to the states that I feel like I've neglected the life that I have here just a little bit. Like you said though, when the husband's away some of us put our lives on hold and I think I may have to some extent and feel like I don't have one unless he's here or I'm just elsewhere if you can understand that.]]>
</wp:comment_content>

<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-15 21:36:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-16 01:36:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>lifebeautylove</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://lifebeautylove.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>26011077</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

<wp:comment_type/>

<wp:comment_id>1456402446</wp:comment_id>

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-<![CDATA[<a href="http://www.xanga.com/lifebeautylove/678382236/item.html?nextdate=1456402446&direction=n#1456402446" class="replyto x--1456402446--x">@lifebeautylove</a> -  <a href="http://www.xanga.com/lifebeautylove/678382236/item.html?nextdate=1456402446&direction=n#1456402446" class="replyto x--1456402446--x">@lifebeautylove</a> -  yeah I understand pretty much exactly what you're saying, its a rough time and I totally don't blame you for feeling what you do.]]>
</wp:comment_content>

<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-15 22:33:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-16 02:33:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>storralva</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://storralva.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>35259808</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

<wp:comment_type/>

<wp:comment_id>1456407278</wp:comment_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Mon, 13 Oct 2008 09:49:16 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[He has no idea what he can do to me by saying a couple words. Just knowing that he looks forward to mail I send him . . . I don't even care if he sends me anything but a few words because HE'S the one that needs to be comforted, to be reminded that I'm still here. Just knowing he looks forward to me lets me know that he's always going to be there. Knowing I can still get out a 5 page letter to him . . . you have no idea. :) "Fly" 

 
When last place is where I've been 
It's hard to find the strength to start again 
Sometimes it seems like I can never win 
I'm held back by the weight of the crowd 
Can't move to find my way out 
You give me faith to get my feet of the ground 
'Cause it's not easy 
 
Trying to fly against the wind 
When I keep on falling back to where I've been 
Start over again 
 
I'm overwhelmed when there's too much 
Hiding the view to all that you've done 
I step back to see how far we've come 
And you're always with me (when I'm) 
 
Trying to fly against the wind 
But I keep on falling back to where I've been 
Trying to fly against the wind 
Start over again 
 
When last place is where I've been 
You give me what I need to start again 
 
Trying to fly against the wind 
But I keep on falling back to where I've been 
Trying to fly against the wind 
And you keep on coming back for me again... over and over again 
 ]]>
</content:encoded>

<wp:post_date>2008-10-13 09:29:05</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-13 13:29:05</wp:post_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_status>open</wp:comment_status>

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<wp:post_type>post</wp:post_type>

<wp:original_xanga_id>678154887</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[I love a well-thought out, old-fashioned letter. :) Gives me warm, fuzzy feelings! Did you write that song? It makes me reminiscent!]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-13 12:08:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-13 16:08:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>TheMajesticPickle</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://themajesticpickle.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>32880063</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

<wp:comment_type/>

<wp:comment_id>1456021057</wp:comment_id>

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-<![CDATA[<a href="http://www.xanga.com/lifebeautylove/678154887/item.html?nextdate=1456021057&direction=n#1456021057" class="replyto x--1456021057--x">@TheMajesticPickle</a> -  I did not write the song myself, but thanks for thinking so anyway. I'm a music nerd so I spend my nights looking up new music. It feels nice to be able to write a long letter too. haha. :) Especially knowing when the receiver enjoys reading them. :)]]>
</wp:comment_content>

<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-13 21:29:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-14 01:29:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>lifebeautylove</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://lifebeautylove.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>26011077</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

<wp:comment_type/>

<wp:comment_id>1456068684</wp:comment_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sun, 12 Oct 2008 10:57:20 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[This is in response to a few comments I've gotten on the deployment issue and how I cope with it. I didn't really start thinking about it as a different life until someone said that you do, in a way, make your own life while your spouse is gone. The only thing is is that I find myself a lot more calm now. My head does a lot of thinking, so it's not as quiet in there, but if you were to see me on the street, you wouldn't know that. I wish he could experience the person I was when he was away. I'm not so much different as a person as I am in how I do do things, cope with things, see things, etc. It's different and I just wish he'd see it. I want him home but I like having this inner peace to where I can rationally (most of the time) sort out my thoughts because when you blurt out random words, they're so much more jumbled and often do not make any sense. So, can I just keep my inner peace and my thoughts and just share them when I actually have them all thought through or do I have to go back to speaking before thinking? ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-12 10:56:40</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-12 14:56:40</wp:post_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_status>open</wp:comment_status>

<wp:status>Publish</wp:status>

<wp:post_type>post</wp:post_type>

<wp:original_xanga_id>678041906</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sat, 11 Oct 2008 21:38:51 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I was kept up all night by my dog. No, I guess I can't blame it all on him because my head wouldn't stop talking either. I was making mental lists of what I need to do before November gets here. I think I only ended up overwhelming myself which how much I did indeed have to do. I'm worried about forgetting something and I most likely will and let's just hope it's not something like, I don't know, my passport! I would cry and proceed to throw myself in front of a plane coming down the runway. Or not. Jonathan wouldn't be all too thrilled with that, I'm guessing. Oh, here's something interesting I heard yesterday. If George Washington had decided to turn our country into a monarch, our king would be King Paul the first. It's got to be cool knowing that you're the direct descendant of the first president, doesn't it? You think this Paul guy regrets old George not making us a monarch? I mean, he could be king! I'm once again sitting here, not worried this time, but I haven't heard from him in nearly a week. I really do not deployment. I'm not particularly afraid to "forget" him because it's impossible to forget someone like Jonathan. I think that I'm more afraid that I'm becoming almost completely numb to his absence. It's me protecting myself, I think because when I sit here and just worry endlessly about him and miss him as much as I do, it stresses me out. I miss him. I wish he were here, but I'm happy to say that I'm coping with this a whole lot better than I thought I would be. We all have our moments, however and I have had my fair share of them so far and I will probably have more of them particularly when I'm at his parent's house. I'm going to be sleeping in his bedroom that we both lived out of for 4-5 months. How can I not miss him?  I really need to quit with all of these dreams. And that guy *points at him* needs to stay out of them. What the heck do you think you're doing, hm? Go find someone else to bug. Not to sound mean or anything, but come on now. Do you REALLY have to do this to ME? I'm just not going to sleep ever again. Does that make you feel better? In all honestly, I know this person really can't control whose dreams he happens to be in, but give me a break already! I don't want to go into haunted houses no more, I don't want to sit in a class and figure out what the hell 3 dogs, a weird house thing, a leash, and 2 monsters are supposed to be doing. It doesn't make any sense. And when I tell the professor/teacher that I neeeeeed to go to the bathroom because I am three months pregnant, I want to go now. I don't want that person to tell me that "It's on the other side of campus. You can't go." Because I will just leave. And why the hell does Michael De La Rosa have a military dependent ID and what am I doing with it and where is mine? I want it back now! Okay . . . I'm done. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-11 21:38:11</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-12 01:38:11</wp:post_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_status>open</wp:comment_status>

<wp:status>Publish</wp:status>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>677959502</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[I hate deployments too. I really pray that Mario doesn't get sent on another one. How long has Jonathan been gone? Yeah regardless of where you are you'll have those moments of just missing. :/ Sigh....its so yucky to even remember those days. You're right you don't forget that one you love while they're gone, I think its like this weird state of mind where you just try to try to get on in life without them there. But that doesn't even describe it fully. It's a strange feeling. I know I felt like life was oddly on hold, yet I was watching everyone "live".]]>
</wp:comment_content>

<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-12 00:38:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-12 04:38:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>storralva</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://storralva.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>35259808</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

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<wp:comment_id>1455732632</wp:comment_id>

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-<![CDATA[LOL Your dreams are so funny, mainly because I have dreams that are equally random. Sometimes I wake up wondering how my mind can even come up with some of this stuff. Sometimes, for short periods of time, it's ok to be numb. If we feel the loneliness and depression that comes with deployment ALL the time, it will wear us away. You won't forget about him! You're just making yourself a life while he is gone, and it's ok for it to be a little different. Just be sure to prepare yourself when he comes home for the change back to normal life/routine.]]>
</wp:comment_content>

<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-12 06:55:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-12 10:55:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>Kelico</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://kelico.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>24538530</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

<wp:comment_type/>

<wp:comment_id>1455785285</wp:comment_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sat, 11 Oct 2008 09:58:19 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[It's not bad that I plan on driving you out of your mind, is it? ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-11 09:57:39</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-11 13:57:39</wp:post_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_status>open</wp:comment_status>

<wp:status>Publish</wp:status>

<wp:post_type>post</wp:post_type>

<wp:original_xanga_id>677895927</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[Depends on what mode of transportation you intend on using. :) Thanks for your glance at my blog! Always appreciate a unique mind. Lovely blog, by the way. :)]]>
</wp:comment_content>

<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-11 11:35:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-11 15:35:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>TheMajesticPickle</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://themajesticpickle.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>32880063</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

<wp:comment_type/>

<wp:comment_id>1455656596</wp:comment_id>

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</item>

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<title>it's a long one</title>

<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Sat, 11 Oct 2008 09:32:53 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[When reading this, keep in mind that it is not something I yearn for or think would have been a better scenario. It is simply a hypothetical thought of what I would have done if I hadn't taken the path I have chosen. It all started with me finding some amazing blogs for once today! I had been looking for a while, but all I was really finding were blogs about what people had done all weekend, how much they drank, or what that bitch next door said. Instead, today, I found a couple of people who think outside of the box and who aren't afraid to have a conversation with their own mind on occasion. (Come on, you know it's fun to fight with yourself.) Someone mentioned missing college too. But she was asking herself why she missed it. I know the feeling. It's been over two years since I've been out of school and my mind sometimes feels like it's being put to waste. I'm not using it as I should. I'm not sure how many people miss writing a paper for class as much as I do sometimes. It always made me think, opened me up to different thought processes and I loved it. I loved being able to create different ideas in my head and then writing them down. I would do that now if I could. If I hadn't gotten married, I'd still be in school. I'm NOT saying that I'm unhappy with the path I have chosen because I do intend on finishing school when the time is right. Right now, I just find other things more important to me. The only problem with that again is that I feel like my mind is wasting away and that by the time I do have time for school, I may not have the energy for it. I don't know why either, but I'm REALLY leaning towards a philosophy major just for fun. That'll really get my brain going. This is one of the reasons why I CANNOT wait to get back to Lubbock for a while because there are people there that I can talk to about things I WANT to talk about and then they actually have something to say about it; they have an opinion and aren't afraid to disagree and I can do the same favor back. I find that I walk on eggshells here with people that I do know. I can't share my opinions because it could cost my "friendship" I suppose. I haven't really found open-minded people. I'm not going to go into why there people aren't open-minded because then it puts me into putting down the military mentality of uniformity. The thought process is closed off, I guess is the easiest way to put it. Here's something weird though. I had a dream last night that included just about every person I knew. JUST about. It started out in my front yard back in Del Rio at our old house on Texas Drive. I was sitting on our swing with Jonathan's mom and we started seeing someone shoot off bottle rockets. There were one or two that soon turned into some bigger fireworks and turned into thousands of them exploding overhead in the night sky. I was on the phone with my mom telling her about it as we ran inside because I thought we would catch fire or something! I go inside the house and they're talking about it on TV and they have a video of it taken from way up in the sky looking down and the fireworks spell out "Stop The War In Iraq." I laughed for some reason and said, "Oh yes, and let's start one right here in the states! Hell, Del Rio's a fantastic spot to begin!" It switched over to another at some point in the night and I was in the food court here in Japan with Abigail and David. In Japan. Yeah. I don't really remember what all happened with that besides that we all had pizza. After that, we were all leaving and Jonathan, Darren, and Shameka all joined us. We were travelling across the country (U.S.) on foot and it had been snowing but the sun was out now. Well, David and Abigail disappear and I'm suddenly carrying my laptop and talking with Abigail on Yahoo Messenger (I swear I'm NOT on crack . . . or heroin. LMAO) Well, I'm walking really slow I guess, so Meka, Darren, and Jonathan are wayy ahead and I close the laptop and hope that I don't lose my internet (yeah, we're in the middle of nowhere) and I start yelling at Jonathan to stop and wait for me. He does so and when I get closer I realize that we're all going into this really old abandoned two story house that's wooden and the paint's all been peeled off. Well, we get inside and we start hearing this maniacal screaming and wailing noises coming from upstairs and it sounds like someone is running downstairs, and I swear this laugh . . . I can't get it out of my head for the life of me. Well, Meka and I look at each other and we start to run out of the house and we're going past this open window where all the wailing is coming from. I turn to look at the door and Jonathan's running out and Darren's crying and saying he doesn't know how to use the front door so he jumps out the window. My dream then switched over to Jonathan and I going for a walk in this neighborhood by LCU that I LOVE. He's got his long hair, goatee and what not and he had just gotten back from Iraq and was happy because he wasn't in the military anymore. I can't seem to resist him either. haha. I think I felt the epitome of happiness there. Mind you, I'm not exactly sure of the order of these dreams. They just all happened in one night. :( ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-11 09:32:13</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-11 13:32:13</wp:post_date_gmt>

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<wp:post_type>post</wp:post_type>

<wp:original_xanga_id>677892164</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Fri, 10 Oct 2008 09:56:46 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[It's bad. I'm so bored that I keep going back to the same websites again and again. I'm about to visit the sandman soon, but I'm waiting on my tea. In the meantime, I go back and forth between Facebook and Myspace. I've learned to knit. I could really only crochet before, but now I've learned to knit. :) I'm proud of me. This entry is pointless. My brain's going down the drain. I just need to hear Jonathan again, I think. :) I've run out of the Jonathan juices that keep me inspired. So . . . until I hear his voice again . . . :) ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-10 09:56:06</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-10 13:56:06</wp:post_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_status>open</wp:comment_status>

<wp:status>Publish</wp:status>

<wp:post_type>post</wp:post_type>

<wp:original_xanga_id>677768248</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[lol I do the same thing when I'm bored. There's so much stuff to look at online who knew that it could get boring. What about fun videos on you tube? :] hope you hear his voice of inspiration again soon. hehe.]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-10 11:28:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-10 15:28:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>storralva</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://storralva.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>35259808</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

<wp:comment_type/>

<wp:comment_id>1455482685</wp:comment_id>

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-<![CDATA[LOL that is the story of my life when my husband is gone. Myspace, Facebook, Xanga, Repeat.]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-11 16:44:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-11 20:44:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>Kelico</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://kelico.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>24538530</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

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<wp:comment_id>1455694171</wp:comment_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:17:34 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I watched a movie called Sex and Breakfast. It's had REALLY good music in in which prompted me to check some of it out after the movie (which was pretty okay). All of that got me going and I discovered a few good bands such as The Oranges Band. Below is a link to one of their songs. <a target="_new" href="http://www.morphius.com/label/mp3/dfm02603.mp3">http://www.morphius.com/label/mp3/dfm02603.mp3</a> Then there's The Duke Spirit which I REALLY liked and their song Love Is An Unfamiliar Name: <a target="_new" href="http://www.villageindian.com/thedukespirit_Love_Is_An_Unfamiliar_Name.mp3">http://www.villageindian.com/thedukespirit_Love_Is_An_Unfamiliar_Name.mp3</a> I then somehow remember I hadn't seen a movie called The Science of Sleep which I promptly order off of Amazon and it's being shipped to Lubbock. Trailer for The Science Of Sleep: <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/GUCrM5i_W3c&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/GUCrM5i_W3c&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Tideland doesn't seem like it's a movie for people freak out about dismembered doll heads, FYI. Trailer:<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4pySXc-6GoU&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/4pySXc-6GoU&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>That's all for now!!! :) ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-08 10:16:55</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-08 14:16:55</wp:post_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_status>open</wp:comment_status>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>677523493</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[I wanna see Sex and Breakfast :(. I just haven't yet because I'm afraid of watching and feeling like I've wasted my time. Mainly because I don't view Eliza Dushku as someone whose movies I need to run out and see. Granted, I love The New Guy, but I'm perfectly aware of how stupid it is.]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-08 13:52:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-08 17:52:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>ArielM87</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://arielm87.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>32700180</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

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<wp:comment_id>1455188755</wp:comment_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Tue, 07 Oct 2008 19:04:14 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[*Finally Relaxed* :) ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-07 19:03:35</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-07 23:03:35</wp:post_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_status>open</wp:comment_status>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>677446332</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Tue, 07 Oct 2008 11:33:18 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[I think I was at home too much. I NEEDED to get out of there and really did not want to go home tonight knowing that I would be miserable there. I've slept in that same house for the last 8 mos. It was bothering me that I've been there for a week without really leaving at all. I ended up getting a room here at the Misawa Inn and I already feel relaxed. I needed something different and new. I needed a different environment. Now . . . I'll be able to sleep. :)]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-07 11:32:38</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-07 15:32:38</wp:post_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_status>open</wp:comment_status>

<wp:status>Publish</wp:status>

<wp:post_type>post</wp:post_type>

<wp:original_xanga_id>677409852</wp:original_xanga_id>

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-<![CDATA[just stopped by your site and thought I'd leave a message. :]]]>
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<wp:comment_approved>1</wp:comment_approved>

<wp:comment_date>2008-10-07 16:32:00</wp:comment_date>

<wp:comment_date_gmt>2008-10-07 20:32:00</wp:comment_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_author>storralva</wp:comment_author>

<wp:comment_author_email>bounce@xanga.com</wp:comment_author_email>

<wp:comment_author_url>http://storralva.xanga.com/</wp:comment_author_url>

<wp:comment_user_id>0</wp:comment_user_id>

<wp:comment_xanga_user_id>35259808</wp:comment_xanga_user_id>

<wp:comment_parent>0</wp:comment_parent>

<wp:comment_type/>

<wp:comment_id>1455028372</wp:comment_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Tue, 07 Oct 2008 07:32:37 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[<a target="_blank" href=""><a target="_blank" href="http://photo.xanga.com/lifebeautylove/73341214593096/photo.html"><img title="n160200847_30094540_8089" style="border-style: none; border-width: 0px;" src="http://x73.xanga.com/341f006529335214593096/z167707848.jpg" width="400"></a> <img title="" style="border-style: none; border-width: 0px;" src="http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30094541&id=160200847"></a> I want to go camping when it gets cold in Texas. =) I want all 4 of us to be there. I miss us. God that was so much fun. :) Even the damn coyotes and the creepy spider. haha. ]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-07 07:31:57</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-07 11:31:57</wp:post_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_status>open</wp:comment_status>

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<wp:post_type>post</wp:post_type>

<wp:original_xanga_id>677369959</wp:original_xanga_id>

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<dc:creator>lifebeautylove</dc:creator>

<pubDate>Mon, 06 Oct 2008 06:16:59 -04:00</pubDate>

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-<![CDATA[Teehee I think we have a ghost. I'm sitting up here in the computer
room and Jake's up here with me. Now, he usually growls at EVERYTHING,
but by everything I mean SOMETHING. An actual person or whatever. This
time, there was no one there. We have a futon in here as well and he
goes to the corner of this futon like someone's sitting on the left
side of it and starts to growl, bark, and back away from it. He keeps
coming back to me, ears lowered, growling and then going back to that
same spot. I guess he scared it off or something because he stopped
doing it. =\ After that, he went completely spastic though. haha. I'll
get video of it if he does it again.]]>
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<wp:post_date>2008-10-06 06:16:19</wp:post_date>

<wp:post_date_gmt>2008-10-06 10:16:19</wp:post_date_gmt>

<wp:comment_status>open</wp:comment_status>

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<wp:original_xanga_id>677217562</wp:original_xanga_id>

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